Always
by Jenny.Simone.Kate
Summary: His books kept her from drowning in her sorrow, from going down that rabbit hole and never come back again. And now he did this himself, in person. And it was so much better. Even so much better. !MA-rated content! *NOW COMPLETE*
1. Chapter 1

**Always**

Summary: Starts right after Castle s04 e23 "Always" – thus the title. But it is also the sequel to "Comfort"! :o)

***Please note the rating. It's not pornographic, but definitely a little smutty. I couldn't help it, after their incredibly hot make-out sesh against Castle's door. :o)***

* * *

She took his hand and led him right trough the living room and the office towards his bedroom. He stopped shortly at his expensive multimedia board, as if to reflect what he's done earlier, but she wouldn't have none of this grief now. She was a woman on a mission.

When they reached his bed she turned around and kissed him passionately again. Their hands started to roam all over their bodies and Rick couldn't help but take his time to open another one of her buttons and put a soft kiss between her breasts right upon her bullet hole scar.

Kate shivered with anticipation. In spite of that she still didn't felt much around the area of her scar tissue, she knew where his mouth was. It was so near where she wanted it to be. So hot and wet and driving her crazy. She took his face between her hands and kissed him again on the lips, running her tongue over them, begging for entrance.

When she entered his mouth with her tongue again, Rick almost lost it. Right there and then. He wondered how long he would be able to withhold it when they would really get started. But after all they were finally releasing the tension form almost four years, how were any of them supposed to last long? And they had so much time now, until lunchtime the next day to be exact, he could make up for it later.

While he thought about his stamina, Kate had already opened the buttons of his button-down shirt, and was fumbling with his belt. And although he wanted to take things slow, regarding to his plan, when she reached inside of his pants all his gentleman-like intentions were gone with the wind. His plan didn't work out anyway, because he wanted to do this without tears involved and this was already in vain. He still felt her wet checks under his hands and tasted the salt from her tears on her lips.

They both released a breath they didn't know they were holding and when Kate looked him deeply in the eyes and smiled happily at him, he just let himself fall onto his bed, tugging her along. They lay there beside each other, kissing feverishly, and he took the opportunity to open her buttons and reached behind her to open her bra as well.

She sat and shrugged her blouse off the bra falling down her arms. When she threw both clothes away and made Rick's shirt follow straight, he grabbed her and tuned them so that he was lying on top of her. When he took her in, laying there with her wet hair sprawled all over his cushion – _his_ cushion in _his bed_ – her breasts fitting into his palms perfectly he almost panicked and closed his eyes for a moment. He thought for a moment that this was only one of his frequent dreams and she would be gone again as soon as he opened his eyes.

"Rick? Everything ok?" she murmured.

"Yeah… Just… Too good to be true…" he whispered back.

They got rid their pants soon and he positioned himself right before her entrance. Another deep look into each other's eyes and they knew this was the right thing. This was what they were heading to all those four years. Since their first case, since she whispered her "You have no idea" into his ear. This was what was supposed to happen. The inevitable. And they both couldn't wait any longer.

When he entered her it was slow and tender, both of them smiling and never losing eye contact. Only when he was fully inside her and gave her a moment to adjust to his size (the papers had definitely not been exaggerating about that) they both closed their eyed and just enjoyed the feeling of each other, inside and around each other and perfectly fitting like two pieces of a jigsaw puzzle.

_Made for each other._

And when Rick climaxed after just a few trusts into her, because he just couldn't hold out any longer as the reality was so very much better than his fantasies, they were both floating on cloud nine, drowning in each others' pleasure.

"You were right…" Rick murmured after he regained his breath again. "I really had no idea…"

* * *

When he woke up he was confused for the instant of a moment. Like those times, when you know something big, something _important_ has happened, but can't recall exactly what it was. Only that it was important.

And then it hit him.

He reached over to the other side of the bed and for a moment the panic came crawling back inside his mind, the panic that he just dreamed all of it, that she was gone. And yes, she was gone, she was no longer inside his bed. But he could smell her all over. And he smelled something else…

Something like…

"Pancakes!"

"Kate?"

"Yeah. And I have brought you pancakes."

"You know what they mean, right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I know."

They ate inside his bed, cuddled up against each other. She not only made him pancakes, she also found strawberries in his fridge and a little vanilla-ice-cream. And whipped cream. Of course she brought a lot of whipped cream.

"Let's use the cream for something different, love."

"Love?"

"Not okay?"

"Oh. No. It's ok. Sounds nice."

"Huh? That coming from you? The tough detective Beckett?"

"Uhm… Actually Castle… I have to tell you something…"

"No, not now. Enough talking. I want to have my wicked way with you again."

"No, Rick. This is important. Gates ordered me into her office yesterday and…"

"I don't need to know Kate. I don't want to know what happened yesterday at all. You told me you nearly died. I don't want to think about it now. You know my imagination. I don't want to think about that I wasn't there to save you and…"

"Shush, Rick. It's ok. I'm here."

"Yeah, you're here. And that's all I need to know now."

"But I…"

The loud bang of the front door to the loft interrupted Kate's sentence.

"Richard? Are you home?"

"Oh no, mother. Not now." he growled.

"Let's get dressed, Rick. We'll talk later then."

"Please..."

"Please what?" she asked amused by his lack of words.

"Please stay like this. I just love the sight of you in my shirt. You can have sweatpants from me, too. And I don't want you to wear anything else.

Ever. Again."

* * *

A/N: I've got the next chapters already outlined and I am planning to post one each week. Maybe every Monday, so it'll be still a Castle-Monday during the summer hiatus. ;o)

I have never ever written smut before, so please tell me, what did you think? Ok? Eeew? Not detailed enough? Too detailed? Some feedback would be really great and helpful.


	2. Chapter 2

**ALWAYS**

**Sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: Wow, I am – again – overwhelmed by the amazing response to the first little chapter. I've got 44 'story alerts', 25 'favorites', 12 'author alerts' and even 6 'favorite author '. And I've got 1.520 'hits' so far - you guys are amazing! I am officially speechless.**

**A few of you suggested that I should write a little more detailed, especially with the "M-Rating". So, here you go. Hope you like it**.

* * *

Rick had often been asking himself how his mother always had the best timing when it came to him. To others as well, he supposed, but when it came to him he was sure about it. She always bursted into the worst situations of his life, whether he was arguing with Meredith, trying to teach Alexis an important lesson (or not so important it doesn't matter), having his first time with Gina (eeeew, that was a bad memory), or now, when he just wanted to enjoy his first morning with Kate in his clothes.

So, where did this come from?

"Richard, you're here. I really need to talk to you; I've met a lovely girl last night. I need to give you her number. You really need to call… her… Oh… Uhm… Morning, Kate." She stuttered when Kate appeared out of the study as well, close behind Rick and now toying with his hair.

"I am so sorry, you two… I didn't know… I didn't mean to… Oh no…" Martha tried to save the situation, but failed miserably, her face an even brighter red than her hair.

"It's fine Martha. Good morning to you, too." Kate greeted her and gave her the brightest smile she could manage. She wasn't pleased by what she heard, but that could also wait until later.

"No, it's not dear. Come here, let me hug you. I am really sorry, I had absolutely no idea…"

"Well, we had no idea, either, mother. At least not till last night. Oh. Uhm. This was supposed to sound less… Ugh."

They all looked at each other and laughed.

"Rick is right. I just showed up here, yesterday evening. It wasn't planned. It was everything else than planned."

"But here we are. And we're happy." He grabbed her by the waist and put a kiss to her temple.

"Yeah…"

"Seems so." Martha observed. "Well, when you're happy, I am happy. I'll tell the poor girl she has to go out looking for someone else, 'cause my son's no longer available. How does that sound? Let's celebrate!"

"Mother, it's barely lunchtime… Why are you here anyway? Weren't you supposed to be in the Hamptons?"

"Yeah, but I forgot my favourite dress, because you were hurrying me so much yesterday. And there was no way I'd go without it. And don't you tell me you could've sent it. It would get lost, I know that. Just like favourite pair of gloves. I'll drive up to the Hamptons tomorrow first thing in the morning. And now don't you tell me that I mustn't celebrate at lunchtime, kiddo. I want to celebrate, and you two should join me. It was about damn time, you know…"

"Mother…"

"Besides, Alexis is coming home soon, too. You should get dressed and then we'll cook something fancy for lunch. She needs to celebrate, too. Let's eat dinner at lunchtime! That sounds crazy…" she mumbled while walking into the kitchen, letting the two lovebirds back, stunned.

"Yeah, yeah, don't ask, she's always like that." Rick apologized.

"I figured. After her dramatic monologue last time I was here… But it's nothing to worry about. I really, really like her. And well, after our argument, I cannot blame you for moving on…"

"I didn't, Kate, at least not concerning a new woman in my life. That's just how my mother is. Whenever she meets a nice girl she wants to set something up for me, as long as I am not in a relationship. Whether it is someone from a party, or from her acting classes, or whatever. But that's just how she is. I had nothing to do with it, on the contrary, actually."

"Ok."

"Good. And, now…" he let his finger glide over her ear down her neck and over her collarbone.

"Now, we gonna go change and help your lovely mom with her crazy dinner-lunch-whatever, Castle!"

Back to Beckett-mode.

And he just loved her more.

* * *

Kate was nervous. Not because she was in a relationship with the famous Richard Castle, not because of page 6 or bad press. No, she was nervous because of his 18-year-old daughter. That was new.

And of course because she knew that Rick would eventually find out that there was something else she didn't told him. But there was absolutely no time yet. After they slept together for the very first time yesterday, she quickly fell asleep, because she was just way too exhausted, physically and emotionally.

She almost died. She fought with the guy, who tried to kill her twice, she hung from a building, and she run through the torrential rain and when she arrived here, she wasn't even sure if he would let her in. Her whole body still ached and she was still so very confused by all her emotions. She wasn't quite settled yet. The only thing she knew for sure was that she wants him. _Them. _She wants it to work and thus she is nervous when it comes to his daughter.

Alexis hasn't been a fan of her lately and how could she blame her? She had put his father into one misery after the other and Alexis surely had noticed. And she was the one who brought him in danger all the time. Clearly not a plus on her side, either.

"It's gonna be fine, my love." He whispered into her ear, embracing her from behind. They stood in front of the full-body mirror inside his bedroom which Kate was glancing at every few seconds. She was wearing her blouse from yesterday, which didn't get that wet under her jacket, but her trousers were way too crinkled to wear them again. So she had to go with one of her yoga-pants she forgot at his loft when she stayed with him two years ago, after her apartment blew up. She wondered why he hadn't given them back to her, but she knew why actually. It was Castle after all.

"How can you know that?"

"I love you. And she's going to love you, too. Give her a little time. No one can resist you for long…"

"Ha. Not funny. And not helping, either."

"You look beautiful."

"I don't think so."

"You'll see that it won't be as bad as you think."

He was right. Again. When Alexis arrived there was a little awkward moment when she, Rick and Martha shared a family-hug and Kate stood a little behind, just like a few months ago when they were coming out of the bank where Rick and Marta were held hostages. But when Alexis looked up and saw her standing there, she actually smiled and waved to her to come and join them.

"Congratulation on your graduation, Alexis! You can be so proud." Kate told her.

"Thank you, Kate. I didn't expect to find you here, though." Alexis answered.

So much for the just going with it part. Well, they were talking about Alexis after all, Rick's smart and sensitive daughter. And she would have to deal with it now, apparently, not after their meal.

"Alexis, honey, why don't we just eat first?"

"No, Rick, it's fine. Shall we go up to your room?" Kate suggested.

"Uhm, no, actually, I didn't mean…"

"But I mean it, Alexis. I'm sure you've got a few questions and I am willing to answer them now."

"Uh. Ok. Then, let's go. I have to take my bag upstairs and change clothes anyhow."

"Fine."

Rick watched her climb the stairs after his daughter. And now, all of a sudden he was nervous, as well.

"It's gonna be fine." Martha offered.

"That's what I told her, earlier, too. But now I am not so sure anymore. You remember how Alexis reacted last fall, when I told her I would go back to the precinct?"

"Yes, darling, I do. But this is something entirely different now. You two are together now. Or not?"

"Yeah, we are. God, finally we are." He sighed.

"See? She's going to accept that. She's a smart kid. And when she sees the sparkle in your eyes I see now, every time you speak or think of our lovely Kate, it's rather sooner than later."

"Thank you, mother. Now, let's set the table, so that we can eat when they come down."

* * *

"… and now I am here. And I promise you, Alexis, I am not going to hurt him again. Not intentionally at least. I… I really love him."

"You do?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I do." She smiled.

"Ok."

"Ok? But…"

"You thought I would get mad, yell at you for stealing my dad and telling you, we'd never get along?"

"No, not exactly, but…"

"I just wanted to know how that happened. And as long as the two of you are happy and love each other, it's ok with me."

"We are."

"Then I have nothing to say against it. Would you mind going down now, so I can change?"

"Uhm. No, of course not." She stood and went to the door.

"Alexis?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you."

* * *

"Now we're alone again. Finally." Rick said after their enormous lunch, when Alexis went upstairs again to chat with her friends and Martha went out of his loft, not really saying where she was going. Not that he would mind. There were a few things he just didn't want to know exactly.

"Yeah."

"Come here. It's been way to long."

He grabbed her hand and took her along to the comfy couch in the living room and sat down pulling her with him, so she was sitting on his lap, straddling him.

"Mmmmmmh, I remember this position…" he sighed.

"Yeah, me too." She murmured. "I am sorry, Rick."

"Why, love?"

"You're going to say that all time now, won't you?"

"Most definitely."

"Ok, fine. I'll get used to it."

"What did you want to say? Why are you sorry, Kate?"

"That so much time has passed, so much miscommunication, or no communication at all, that so many bad things happened between us since this last time, we sat here and everything seemed fine."

"Not entirely your fault, you know. I am at least just as much to blame for that as you. But I don't want to talk now. I'd rather kiss you."

And he didn't waste another word. He took her face between his large hands and pulled her lips onto his. He deepened the kiss quickly, his hands buried into her auburn hair. She responded immediately and let her hands glide up his sides to his neck, scraping at the short hair there. And suddenly it was as if nothing of those bad things had happened between them, as if they were simply going on where they had left off that morning a few weeks ago when she had to leave for work. Just that it was more intimate now, the movements more freely.

He let go of her hair and let his hands roam over her back, sliding deeper until he could grip her ass and urge her even nearer to him. When she moaned, he could feel all of his blood rush south very quickly and she must have noticed his excitement.

"We should move this party into your bedroom. Your daughter's upstairs."

"Huh? Yeah. Right. No PDA in my living room, when she's here."

"This, Ri-ck, wasn't just PDA, this was making out. Let's go."

She didn't need to tell him twice.

He got rid of his shirt on the way there, tossing it into one of the corners of his bedroom. When she turned he pulled her into a firm hug and kissed her passionately. They both groaned into each other's moths and when he opened her blouse again, it felt a lot like the day before. But this time, he really wanted to take things slow. So he broke the kiss and took his time to open one button after the other and to kiss every inch of exposed skin. She moaned loudly and he was once again very content that his bedroom was soundproof. When all of the buttons were open he slid the blouse down her arms, caressing the skin with his talented hands. He moved his lips to her ear, lightly nibbling at her lobe and then moving on to her pulse point where he knew he would be driving her crazy. When he was pleased with the mark he left there, he trailed a line of kisses down her chest, opening her bra at the same time with his hands at her back. When it fell down on the ground he took the time to look properly at her, holding her at arm's length.

"Oh my God, Kate, you're beautiful." He murmured.

Before she could say something, he pulled her into a firm hug again, caressing her breasts with his lips. When he moved over one of her nipples he took the opportunity to little nibble at it, then soothing with his tongue, mirroring the same actions with her other one. She groaned and he could feel her knees go weak. So he decided to take her to bed. He pulled her up and carried her to his king-size-bed. When he sat her down, she took over the initiative and while she was sitting and he was still standing, she freed him from his jeans quickly. They fell on the ground around his legs and she put an open mouth kiss to his growing member. And although he was still in his boxers he gasped as she was driving him mad with her mouth right there. She smiled, pleased with the reaction she got from him. When she dragged his boxers down as well, his cock jumped right into her hands. She didn't hesitated long and took him into her hot mouth, glad they both showered – separately – before they made their crazy-dinner-lunch.

"Oh, God, Kate. You're killing me. Stop… I want to… Take it… slow… Aaaaah… this time… Please…"

She let him go with an audible "plop" and grinned at him.

"You're the first one to tell me to stop when I am doing this." She laughed.

"Ah… Well… I won't be able to last, when you keep doing this. Now, it's my turn." He smiled wickedly.

"Rick… I…"

"What? What's wrong, love?" he looked at her concerned, lowering himself down on the bed to sit beside her and to get rid of his pants.

"Nothing… It's just... Let's take it slow another time. I want you. Inside me. Now."

"But I want you to come first. I want to pleasure you with my hands and my mouth and my tongue and…"

She didn't let him finish the sentence, but kissed him firmly onto his mouth.

"Later."

"Oh. Ok… If you want…"

"Now stop talking Castle. And take me."

He did not need to be told twice.

He made quick work of getting her out of her yoga-pants and although she wanted to have him inside her as quickly as possible, he still wanted to taste her. So when she pushed herself higher on his bed and lay down there, he took the opportunity to kneel down between her legs and tore her panties down slowly, kissing the insides of her thighs. When her panties were gone, he kissed his way up again, finally reaching his destination. He just took a moment to look at her perfect folds, a dark pink by now. And when he lowered his mouth down on her, tasting her deeply for the first time, it was her turn to gasp. He released her soon and when he hovered above her, she grabbed him and flipped them over, so that he was lying down on his bed and she was above him.

She grabbed his cock with her right hand, stroking firmly, steadying herself with her left hand beside his head. And when she lowered her hips down on him, taking his cock slowly inside her, they both moaned deeply with pleasure.

She rocked her hips a few times, and the fact that Kate – _his_ Kate - was riding him and he got to play with her breasts and hardened nipples was soon too much for Rick again.

"Kate, wait. When you go on like this, I won't be able to last much longer. Let's change positions or something…"

"No, Rick. Come for me." She whispered.

"But … you … I want you to come… too…"

"It's … fine … just … come for me."

And to hear her saying these words drove him over the edge. He released inside her again, her name on his lips.

"Oh, God, Kate… Aaaaaaah… Kate… Kate…"

She lowered herself down onto him, until she lay flat above him, their whole bodies touching.

"God, Kate, I love you. I love you so much." He groaned.

"I love you, too, Rick. I love you, too." She whispered.

* * *

"So, and now it's my turn. Lay down and let me have my wicked way with you." He grinned.

They had taken a little nap and although it was still bright outside it was definitely already very late in the afternoon.

"No, Rick, not now. We need to get out of here and make your daughter dinner."

"But why? After this enormous lunch we had? I don't think she'll be hungry…"

"But I am hungry, Rick."

"I can't imagine how you can be hungry now, when I want to do all those wonderful things with and especially _to_ you…"

"But I am hungry now." She answered stubbornly.

"Kate, what's wrong? Are you avoiding this?"

"No…"

"Hey, hey, come here. Let me hold you. No more secrets, we said yesterday, remember? So. No more secrets, Kate."

"You're right, Rick. You're right, I am sorry. There's one thing you need to know. But you won't like it."

"Whatever it is, Kate, you can tell me. I am right here and I am not going anywhere."

She kissed him and just for this sentence, she loved him a little more.

* * *

**So, please tell me, did you like it better now? ;o)**

**I have to say that it was a little difficult for me to write those two chapters, it was a lot of mending together what I wrote and what happened in the season finale. But now we're getting to what I wrote before. :o)  
**


	3. Chapter 3

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: I know, I know, it's **_**not**_** Monday yet. But this chapter was almost ready last Monday and so I am able to post today already. The next chapter will be up on Monday again. :o)**

_Previously on „ALWAYS": _

"_Hey, hey, come here. Let me hold you. No more secrets, we said yesterday, remember? So. No more secrets, Kate."_

"_You're right, Rick. You're right, I am sorry. There's one thing you need to know. But you won't like it."_

"_Whatever it is, Kate, you can tell me. I am right here and I am not going anywhere."_

_She kissed him and just for this sentence, she loved him a little more._

* * *

"So, what didn't you tell me?"

"Rick, this is not easy for me… Especially not… here…"

"Here? As in my bedroom?" he asked bewildered.

"Here as in your bed."

"Ah, ok, then let's go into the study. Or the living room."

"Where Alexis can hear everything when she comes down? Yeah." She answered sarcastically.

"What it this about, Kate? You're really serious, aren't you?"

"Yeah." She sighed. "It's something I carry with me for a very long time now. For so many years… And I haven't told anyone so far…"

Oh. _Oh. _Kate.

"Ok, then let's just go somewhere. For a drink. Or a walk. Or we just drive through the city."

"Let's take a walk through Central Park."

"Ok." He smiled, curious what her secret could be. And proud that he was the first one she trusted enough to tell.

"I'll just write a little note for Alexis, and get us something to drink."

"Can we stop at my apartment so I can change clothes?"

"Of course, love."

* * *

"You want to come up?"

"Yeah, sure." She took him by the hand and tugged him along the stairs, because she needed the walking by foot at the moment. She always needed to walk, to physically do something, when she was bothered. Like running, taking a long walk, doing yoga or – before she was shot – exercise with her sparring partner. She wondered when she'd be able to do that again. When her body finally wouldn't hurt anymore. Her fight with Cole Maddox on the roof yesterday showed her pretty clearly that she wouldn't be back to a 100 percent soon. She still ached badly.

"I really like your apartment." He said when they entered.

"Want to try my bed now?" she asked seductively.

"Kate, you do know that you're not making any sense right now…"

She looked at him, confused.

"Half an hour ago I wanted to do exactly that, only in _my _bed. And you didn't want to, because there was something you needed to tell me. And now, when I want to listen to you, you say something like this. How am I supposed to understand that? Or to react to that?"

Oh. Shit.

He was right. She needed to tell him. Now.

"Ok, just let me change. We don't need to go to Central Park, I can tell you here as well as there. Just. A moment." And she disappeared into her bedroom, leaving him back in her living room, wondering.

When she closed the door behind her, she took a deep breath. How was she supposed to tell him? How could he understand, when she didn't really understand it herself? Well, it was Castle after all. The man who knew her better than she knew herself sometimes. But she wondered if she could find the right words. Words weren't her thing. She preferred action, to do something, to fight. Not him. He was the master of words. He always found the right ones, when she had none. That was the first thing she loved about him, even before they actually met. His words got to her in a way she never experienced before.

Maybe he was the one to help her. To help her to find the right words, to understand herself, to get back to herself. Back to the woman she was before the death of her mother turned her life upside down and made her a wreck.

She would just have to let him in completely. He would eventually heal her. She always thought she needed to do that alone, all on her own, but where was the harm in letting him at least help here and then. She couldn't find any harm in it anymore. She already started to change. Claimed a fuller, happier life together with him, why not getting over this as well?

"Hey."

"Hey, you're back."

He took her in as she came back into the living room, her hair down now (she had it in a messy bun since she came out of his guest shower today), all curly and gorgeous. She changed into a new pair of dark blue yoga-pants and a light blue shirt that hung loosely around her shoulders, letting the black top shine trough that was underneath. He could barely resist reaching out for her, hug her, kiss her and just hold her; protecting her from the world. She looked so fragile and worried. He just wanted to kiss all of it away, assure her he would be there for her.

Always.

If only she would let him. But tonight he had the feeling she just might.

* * *

After half an hour, when she still paced trough the room avoiding his eyes and talking about nothing important, feeling and looking absolutely uncomfortable, he just grabbed her and pulled her into a firm hug.

"Kate, listen. Just like last time, when you were with me after you had those nightmares, you really don't need to tell me anything if you don't want to…"

"No, no… Rick, I want… I need to tell you. I really want this to work. I want _us_ to work. And so I have to be honest with you. I want to be honest with you. I just… I don't know how."

"How to be honest with me?" he asked, a little sad tone in his voice he wasn't able to hide.

"No, it's not that. I have never been this honest with anyone. I just… I don't know how to explain it… I just can't find the right words. I am horrible at such things."

"Shhh, it's ok, Kate. We'll figure it out. Conversations like these are never easy, but we have to deal with them, when we want to be and stay together. The most important thing in a relationship is to talk with each other. So much I have learned after two disastrous marriages. So, we'll just find a way to figure it out."

He smiled warmly at her.

"Look, last time, we had some wine. Did that help you?"

"Yeah, it did, actually."

"Good. Do you have some wine here?"

"Yes, I think so. I'll go get it."

When they sat down and Rick poured them both a glass, he still could feel how tense she was. He wondered what it was about, what she wanted to tell him, but apparently was having so much difficulty with.

"So, and now we just enjoy the evening together, ok? Drink the wine, watch a little TV, talk a little. And if you're ready and comfortable with it, you tell me. And if not, then we'll talk tomorrow. Or next week. Whenever you're ready."

She just nodded to him, overwhelmed and speechless by his understanding and selflessness. He not only gave her time and space, he also tried actively to take the pressure from her. She was right; he was the one she wanted to tell. Not Mike, not Will, not Josh.

Only him.

After a glass of wine and an old episode of Temptation Lane that was on TV, she found the courage to open up. To let him in completely. To tell him her last secret.

"Rick?"

"Yeah, love?"

She had to smile at that. Although she told him she would, the truth was she'd never get used to him calling her that. It made her stomach flip and let warmth spread through her body.

"When we were in your bed and you wanted to take things slow… When you wanted me to come… I… Damn, how do I explain that … I… It's not that I don't enjoy sex. I really enjoyed those two times with you. But I just…" she stopped again, not knowing how to find the right words. Words that wouldn't hurt him.

"What, Kate? What is it? What did I wrong?"

"You did nothing wrong… It's just…"

"I mean, when there's something you don't like, just tell me. It's ok. I'll change it." He was mentally going back to what happened between them a few hours ago, back to what she said. She said she didn't want to take it slow. So what did she want?

"Do you want it harder? Or quicker? Or…"

"No, no! It was perfect! I really enjoyed it, it was wonderful with you. And I am crazy for you and…"

"You – are – crazy – for – me?"

"Yeah, I am. And you know that." She said with the most wonderful smile he had ever seen on her. Just as wonderful as the smile she had when she told him, she would love him back. Those two pictures were going to be burned into his brain forever. And made him the luckiest man on earth.

"Yeah, well, when I think of the way you came to me yesterday evening. You really seemed… determined…" he offered with a smile, matching hers.

"I was. And I love you and I want this."

And all too soon the smile faded from her face again, leaving this forlorn expression back he wanted to erase from her face, every time he saw it. And although he could sense where this was going, what she tried to tell him, he remained silent, letting her explain as far as she could, before coming to her aid. It seemed important to him that she finally voiced the problem herself.

"And… I really enjoy sleeping with you. It's amazing. But I am not here to stroke your ego, I… Ok, I'll just say it… I have a problem when it comes to orgasms."

She took a deep breath. Now it was out. The worst part was done, now she just would have to explain him why.

"You don't have orgasms?" he said, unbelieving.

"No, not exactly. When I am on my own, I do have them. Not every time I try it, but… Oh, this is embarrassing…"

She tried to hide the blush by looking down on her hands and hiding behind the hair that fell down around her face.

"Hey, Kate. Love. Look at me. There's nothing to be embarrassed about. Where's the strong, confident and self-assured woman that showed up at my door yesterday?"

"I know, Rick, this is not logically. I like the teasing, the bantering, and the anticipation. And I really like to have sex. Especially with you. I don't know why I say this all the time…" she laughed.

"I just don't want you to feel bad about it. It's not your fault, you know…"

"Yeah, I know pretty well, because you didn't even let me try to make you come."

The pink on her cheeks got even darker.

"It's near to impossible. As I've said, when I am alone, it works. Mostly. But I just can't come with someone else around. There was one guy, my first one, actually, long ago, even before my mother died. I had one orgasm with him. And the others after him just didn't pay much attention. And then my mum was murdered and I wasn't together with a guy for years, really. I just had sex with strangers or with Mike her and then and when I met Will… And it wasn't the same anymore. I just can't seem to let go… I don't know how to explain that… I am sorry, I shouldn't have told you… It's nothing, really… I…" she stood up and paced through the room again. What the hell had she been thinking? How could he possibly understand all that?

He let her walk, sensed that she needed the movement, the space. And enjoying it the least little bit, that he knew her so well that he guessed her little secret himself before. Not with all the circumstances, but the heart of the matter. That she really was avoiding him when he wanted to make her come, that the problem was there.

"It's ok, Kate. I think I get it. You can't let go, you said? Maybe it has something to do with being in control. You like to be in control, maybe you have the feeling to have to be in control all the time. But you can't control an orgasm. You can't control yourself during an orgasm. And that seems to be the point for me. Maybe that's the reason why you can't let go?"

She ran to him, jumped on his lap and slung her arms around him, embracing him in a tight hug.

"Yeah, yeah, that's it. Exactly, that's it. But I didn't know how to put that into words. Thank you, Rick. Thank you."

And they just sat like that for a few minutes; both processing what was said earlier. What it meant for them. And thinking about how they would move on from this.

"You know that you could learn to." He said gentry, caressing her cheek with his thumb.

"Learn what?"

"To let go. To give up control. To just enjoy it."

"I don't know, Rick. It works when I am alone. When there's nobody who sees me losing control. I don't know if I can do it when you're there."

"I've seen you losing control before. I was right there, at the hangar, pushing you into the car, remember?"

"That's one complete different thing!"

"No, Kate, it's not. It's quite similar. Only that it was a horrible feeling back then. And now it would be a wonderful feeling."

"But it's going to be overwhelming and I don't know what'll happen then… It's hard to admit, but… I think… I…"

"Yeah?" he let his hands glide down her back and pressed her into him, giving her the opportunity to lay her head onto his shoulder and avoid his eyes.

"I am afraid." She whispered.

Oh. She just was ashamed of being afraid. Again. He definitely had to do something about that.

"And that's ok. It's ok to be afraid sometimes, Kate. Even of an orgasm, because it's gonna be new for you to have it with someone else around. But my ego is big enough to believe that I can get you to enjoy it. With a little time. You'll learn to just enjoy it. If you want to."

"Yes, Rick. Yes, I want to. I just don't know how."

He hugged her tightly again and put a light kiss on her temple.

"Do you trust me?"

"I trust you."

"Then we'll find a way."

* * *

"Oh Rick… Oh yeah… It feels so good…"

The water was splashing all around them, making their bodies stick together. After Rick took his time to work the shower gel into her skin to put her at ease, he rinsed her and started to caress her breast with the water and his mouth, very softly, very lightly, asking her to tell him how she liked it. She didn't say much and he assumed that he did it just right. When he could feel her arousal, he slipped a hand between her legs, pressing her to him with his other arm and started to caress her most sensitive spot, parting her wet folds with his thumb and middle finger.

"Oh my God… I had no idea… Oh, Rick…" she groaned, shivering with pleasure.

He resumed his actions with his mouth over her hardened nipples and increased the pace with which he drew little circles around her clit with his index finger.

"You like that?" he asked a little breathless himself.

"Yeah, it's amazing. Ohhh yeaaaaah…"

But all of a sudden her panic was back. She was really close and about to come and her mind took over again, making her feeling very self-aware and uncomfortable. She gasped; the feeling of not getting enough air all she could think of. The shower cabin got too small, the dust from the water to thick. She just wanted to get out, get away.

"Rick, please, stop. Stop!"

He had already sensed that this was coming, the way she tensed around him all wrong. He let her go and opened the door of the shower cabin, helping her to get out while he was shutting down the water.

She stood there, in the middle of her bathroom, all dripping wet and naked, unable to move or to catch a simple thought.

But Rick was there, knowing what to do and that was enough for her to calm down a little.

He took one of her towels and wrapped it around his waist, then wrapping another one around her, embracing her, holding her close and secure.

"Shush, it's ok, Kate, it's ok. Breathe… Remember the last time on my couch. You'll get through it, it'll go away soon. Just breathe…"

And while she was regaining her breath and her control, he dried her off, making sure to always keep at least one hand on her, to keep her grounded, to offer her something to lean on. He put a towel around her hair, just like he did it with Alexis' when she was a little girl and another dry one around her body. Then he carried her bridal-style into her bedroom, where he lay her down on her bed, lowering himself down, too. Spooning her from behind, he simply lay there with her, holding her through her panic attack, whispering into her ear that it was ok, that he was there.

From his own experiences he knew that this was so much easier when someone was there with you, when you didn't have to do this alone. And in his head he cursed himself for rushing things again, for being the one to cause a panic attack for her. While he wanted to give her the opposite thing.

"I told you… I told you it was in vain…" she whispered, when she regained her breath.

"It's hopeless. It's a hopeless mess…"

"No, Kate, it isn't. You don't want to give up now, want you? Take your time. Let's try again some other time. Even more slowly. We'll get there, you'll get there."

"I don't know, Rick. Maybe we should just give it up and move on."

"No, Kate, no. I want to show you. I want to teach you all those amazing things you can do with your body. I want to show you the pleasure of coming together. I know I can. Just give it another try. And a little time. Not now, not today. Whenever you feel like it. And then I'll just stop before you come. So that you can have a good memory of it. And the next time I'll push a little further. And so on. Eventually we'll get there."

"Ok… Sounds good actually."

"Good." He hugged her even nearer to him and enjoyed her steady breathing.

"Just one more thing, my love…"

"What is it?" she tuned in his arms, facing him, a little worried.

"What I don't get is, did no one else try this before? "

"No, not really."

"Not even Josh? I mean, I don't really want to know what the two of you did exactly, but… I mean… He's a doctor, after all. He should know how… uhm…" now it was his turn to take the shade of a light pink.

"No, not him, either."

"Why? I don't get it…"

"It's simple. Because I didn't let them. I didn't tell them why I wouldn't let them touch me there to make me come, I just said that I didn't like it."

"But if you hadn't had a single orgasm in months, I would have been suspicious if I were them."

"Well, to be honest… They didn't know. I … When I slept with them, I faked them. I know how this sounds. It sounds awful. But I didn't know how else to deal with it. I just wanted to avoid questions, I think."

"And what has changed now?"

"You." She said simply. "You, Rick. I wanted to be honest with you. I didn't want to fake it anymore."

And suddenly he felt like he had to explode with happiness. She had chosen him to be honest with. Him. None of the men she had before. But _him._

"And now let's get some sleep. I am exhausted…" she said sleepy.

"Do you have to be at the precinct tomorrow?"

"No…"

"Good. I am happy that you got a few days off, after all that happened…" he yawned loudly.

"Actually it's not that simple. I tried to tell you when your mother came back today. But it can wait a little longer. Let's get some sleep now."

"Ok, love. Have nice dreams. I love you…"

"I love you, too."

And before long, both of them slept peacefully, happy to wake up together the next day.

* * *

A**/N: We're gonna make a little journey soon. So hold on for the ride. I hope you still enjoy reading this little piece. :o)**


	4. Chapter 4

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: This chapter took forever to write, but it's important in order to get the two lovebirds to where I need them, finally on the same page. So I hope you enjoy it nonetheless. :o)**

_Previously:_

_And before long, both of them slept peacefully, happy to wake up together the next day._

* * *

"What's wrong, chica?"

"Is that really a question? Everything's wrong, Javi. You're suspended and Kate resigned. Hell, she resigned! And she turned her phone off, she was not at home all day, I can't reach her. It's all wrong. I'm really worried 'bout her…"

"I know, I know. I'm worried, too. But just give her time. She'll get back to you when she's ready. Now come back to bed. It's late."

"If she hasn't turned her phone back on by tomorrow or called me, I'll turn the whole city upside down. And believe me, I 'm gonna find her. And it won't be pretty."

He was sure about that.

* * *

When the sun began to shine through her blinds, he woke slowly. Turning his head, searching for her, he saw that she moved a little away from him, with her face away, her back bare and delicious. He had put a blanket over both of them when she was asleep, he himself laying awake for long, thinking about how he could get her out of her shell. How to help her to let go, to lose control.

Maybe by taking her away. Away from all of it here, far away to where the two of them could just be lovers. Maybe this would help. Eventually he decided to just trust his instincts, his talented writer hands and his experience when it came to women and pleasure and orgasms. He would figure something out. And when he decided on that, he was able to sleep peacefully, too. She was here after all. She trusted him. That was all that mattered.

She woke slowly when he started to trace little patterns on her back with his fore-finger.

"Hey…" she said sleepy.

"Good morning, beautiful."

When she turned she was taken aback by the indescribable love she found in his oh so blue eyes. She was instantly overwhelmed by all the feelings she found there, all the happiness, the tender admiration for her, but also the insecurity, when it came to her. The fear of losing her, of being left by her again. The fear she shared with him and which they definitely needed to talk about.

But before she could voice any of those things, he moved nearer, claiming her lips in a soft and lingering kiss.

"I really could get used to that…" he murmured.

"To what? Kissing me?"

"Yeah, that too." He smiled. "But I meant that I could really get used to waking up beside you in the morning. To wake you up like I did. And to kiss you senseless then of course."

"Uh huh, me too. But you're not going to ask me now to move in with you, are you?" she asked, her voice a little shaky.

"No, Kate. Although I think we've wasted enough time. But no, I am not going to ask you this, _yet_…"

She released a breath she didn't know she was holding and smiled at him.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For knowing me so well. For knowing it would be too early. I want this, Rick. I want this, _us_ so badly, but let's move not too fast. I am here and I am not going anywhere. I want you to know that. I feel terrible because of last summer and I am so sorry for not calling for three months, but…"

"Shush, Kate, it's ok…"

"No, it's not, Rick. We both know it was not ok. And I am really sorry. I want you to know that. To _understand_ that. I promise you to never do such a thing again."

"Good. I wouldn't give you the chance to, either. This, what we've got here, is special Kate. It's no ordinary relationship. We're far away from ordinary. It's something special and I will fight for it and follow you to the end of the world if I have to. There's no turning back now. You don't think I'll ever let you go again after the last two days? The last four years? Hell no!"

"I know, Rick. I feel the same way. Although I have not such nice words for it as you have." She chuckled.

"Thanks, but I want you to know that I am serious. I am not going away, either."

"I know, it's just…"

"What, love?"

"I need you to know something. I wasn't calling you, just because I wanted to hurt you. I just couldn't. I was so much out of control, so broken and hurting. I didn't want you to see me like that. I didn't even let my dad see all of it. And when I was getting better I thought you wouldn't want me back, because you were right, I knew how you felt for me and I knew I couldn't give it back to you then. I loved you back, but because of this wall inside me I just couldn't go for it. And I thought it wouldn't be enough for you to just wait for me. I thought I wouldn't be worth waiting…"

"Oh, Kate. Of course you're worth waiting. If anyone is for waiting, it's you." He kissed her longingly, wishing he could erase this thought from her mind.

"Anyway, I am really sorry that I didn't tell you I remembered all this time." She kissed him softy.

"I am so sorry."

"I forgive you, Kate."

And that was exactly what she needed to hear. Not, that it was ok, because it wasn't. Not that he didn't mind, because that wouldn't have been the truth. She hurt him, she hurt him so badly, but now that she knew he'd forgiven her, a heavy weight was lifted from her heart. And now that it was gone, she felt ready to lift a weight from his heart as well.

"Ok, Kate, let's eat some breakfast. I am starving…"

"No, wait, there's something else I need to tell you…"

"There's even more? Kate, you really are a mysterious woman…" he laughed.

"It's not funny. There's so much more… you need to know…" she sighed.

"Ok, we'll talk. But during breakfast. I am really hungry now."

But first he took his chance to grab her in a firm hug and claim another kiss, hard and passionate and hungry for more. But before they could get carried away, she stopped him, smiling widely and uttered "Morning breath".

But he didn't let her go. He took his time to kiss her lips again, her cheeks, her nose and her closed eyes, finishing with a feather-light kiss to her forehead.

"You make me so happy."

"Ditto."

* * *

When they finally made it out of bed, Kate couldn't get him back into it again soon enough. He laughed at her, but didn't complain, happy to just feel her naked form above him, although she wouldn't let him touch her where he wanted to.

And before he could give it a second thought and remind her that his stomach was already hurting with hunger, she started to kiss him softly below his ear, sucking lightly, erasing all coherent thoughts from his brain. Then she trailed open mouth kisses down his neck to his collarbone her tongue daring out of her mouth here and then and –

Oh. _Kate_.

Unless she didn't stop soon he wouldn't be able to control himself any longer and –

Now she was down at his bellybutton, her tongue dipping into it, her delicious mouth sucking lightly, her oh so soft lips kissing the area around it.

When she glided further south, he took her wrist to stop her.

"Kate? What are you doing?"

"I am enjoying your gorgeous body. I love the way you feel beneath my lips and my tongue and beneath my hands…" she moaned, driving him almost over the edge already.

"You're gonna be the death of me, woman." He chuckled, letting go her wrist in order to sit up.

But she wouldn't have none of that and simply put her hand on his chest and held him in place.

"No, Rick. Just let me enjoy this…" she murmured.

"But… uuuuhhh, but… you don't… don't have to…" he groaned.

"But I want to." She said simply, her mouth almost at the head of his grown member.

"I'd love to…" she whispered, enjoying the power she had over his body.

She let a hot breath swirl over his almost full-grown cock, before she kissed him softly, starting at his base and moving up slowly.

"Oh, God… Oh Kate… Aaaahhhh, this is… uuuhhh…"

When she was at his head with her mouth she sucked him in, griping him firmly with her right hand and stroking up and down, her tongue swirling around his head. And when she started to hum softly, causing him to vibrate slightly, he was almost on the edge instantly.

"Kate, you have to stop now, I'm almost there… Aaaaahhh…"

And just before he came she took him out of her mouth, bringing him over the edge with her talented hands. When he came down from his high slowly, she stood up looking for something.

"What are you doing, there? Come back here…"

"Uhm… I just need to get the towel from yesterday. You made quite a mess there…"

"You mean _you_ had me make a mess here…" he smiled wickedly.

"Yeah." She said softly, coming back with a towel and wiping him clean slowly and carefully.

He sat up and grabbed her, pulling her down in a firm hug.

"That was amazing. Hell, you're way too hot for your own good…" he said after kissing her softly on the lips.

"I am glad you liked it."

"That my love… is an understatement. I think I've just shown you how much I enjoyed it. And now…"

"No, Rick, I… not now, ok?"

"I was going to say that I really need breakfast now." He laughed his stomach grumbling in acknowledgement.

"I won't do anything to you that you don't want. You know that, right?"

She nodded; relieve shining in her gorgeous eyes.

"You tell me where and when. And I'll be happy to oblige." He offered, stealing another lingering kiss from her.

* * *

After half a dozen pancakes with fresh fruits, Rick's hunger was satisfied, at least the hunger for food, and he felt ready to hear what else the love of his life didn't tell him yet. They had decided to eat at the sweet little restaurant right around the corner of Kate's apartment, when they found nothing still eatable left in Kate's fridge.

"So, Kate. Tell me your secrets." He said after the waitress left, who came to refill their coffee mugs.

"Not funny, Rick. But cute." She laughed.

"Cute? Katherine Beckett, you should know that I am everything else but _cute_!"

She silenced him with soft kisses on his lips.

"You … are ... cute… so … very … very … cute…"

"And ruggedly handsome?" he said, waggling his eyebrows.

"And ruggedly handsome. But that's not my point. So be serious now, Castle."

"And where's the fun in that? I want to…"

"I know what you want. And I want it, too. But this first. Kissing later."

"Fine, you win. As always." He pouted.

She used his distraction to steal a strawberry from his plate and licked it sensually before popping it into her mouth.

"So. Not. Fair. Woman."

"I'm sorry." She laughed.

"You're not making any sense you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah I know." She suddenly couldn't stop laughing. "Entirely your fault."

He had to laugh at this, too. He couldn't even put into words how much he loved this carefree Kate.

But all too soon she was gone again when she sighed heavily, her eyes clouding again. But he was determined to bring her back soon, whenever he could. Maybe she would stay a little longer one day.

"Rick, after our first year together. When you left for the Hamptons with your ex-wife…"

"Oh no, Kate. I don't want to talk about that now. It's been awful and one of the biggest mistakes of my life…"

"Wait, Rick. I just want you to understand why I behaved like I did. When you asked me to come with you I was still with Tom and..."

"Ok, Kate, if you want honesty now, I can give it to you. I only called Gina, because I couldn't bear to see you with him. I wanted to be with you, I was in love with you then already. And you were with him and I just couldn't stand it. I know it was childish, but…"

"No, it was not. I can understand that. Actually it was all just a big misunderstanding. When I told you I wanted to talk to you, I wasn't going to say that we just had a good time. I wanted to tell you that I was in love with you, too."

"You… What?"

"I broke up with Tom an hour before. I realized that I didn't want to be with him. I wanted to be with you. I wanted to go to the Hamptons with you. But then your ex-wife showed up and I just… couldn't."

Oh. _Oh. _Kate, Kate, Kate.

"I am so sorry, Kate I…"

„You don't have to be. It just wasn't meant to happen. I just wanted you to know that I was kind of heartbroken and had to learn to trust you again. But I was in love with you all this time. And I want you to know that I am serious about this. About us. It's not easy for me to tell you all this, but I need you to know. Promise me, you'll never ever doubt that again."

"I promise. And you have to promise me the same." Finally he was serious.

"I promise you to try." She offered.

"That's enough for me." He took her hand and stroke it lightly with his thumb. And wished this moment would never go away. They were finally on the same page. They were finally there, where they were always supposed to be, knowing they were both feeling more for each other for all this time.

"Let's turn back time." He said suddenly.

"What do you mean?"

"Come to the Hamptons with me. I wanted to ask you to get away with me anyway. Just for a few days. Let's be alone, work on your _problem_, just the two of us. Come to the Hamptons with me."

"Rick, this really sounds amazing, but…"

"But? But what? Ah, I get it, you have to be at the 12th. But what about Memorial Day? We could go then."

"No, that's not it. I'd love to go with you now and leave everything behind, but we can't go to the Hamptons when we want to be alone. And I definitely need to be alone with you when we're going to work on my _problem_." She lowered her voice on the last word.

"But why… Ah... Ah, I get it. How could I forget that? My mother's there right now. And she's going to stay till after Memorial Day. Damn. But I could tell her to leave, she would understand…"

"No, no, Rick. Don't do that. It wouldn't be fair. And…"she trailed off.

"And?"

"Never mind. Now I am being childish."

"Tell me, Kate. Talking is important, remember?"

"Ok, ok, fine. It's a strange feeling to go there with you, when you went there with her, instead of me. When I think about the things you did with her in your bed there… I… I told you it was childish…"

"No it's not. And if it eases your mind you must know that I bought a new bed. That's enough?"

"Yeah. Yeah, that's enough." She smiled back at him, thankful for his understanding.

"I hoped for so long to bring you there with me some day. And there was no way to bed you in this bed where I had so many… uhm… ugh… memories with Meredith and Gina and uhm… a few… other women. So I bought a new bed when I broke up with Gina. Knowing I wouldn't want to bed any other woman there than you."

And again she was overwhelmed by him. By his insight into her and his thoughtfulness. How did she ever deserve this man?

"Ok, just give me a day, I'll arrange something. Let's get away, just you and me. Oh, wait. How many days did you get off?"

She swallowed audible. Now was the time to tell him this story. And again she didn't know how to explain something she didn't understand completely herself.

"Ok, there's something I need to tell you there. When Martha came back into your loft yesterday I tried to, but…"

"Oh, Kate, I really don't know how much more I can take. How many more important things are there that I don't know?"

"I know it's a lot, Rick, but just let me tell this one thing. We didn't talk much lately; we didn't talk much all this time. And now seems to be the time to catch up there." She took a deep breath.

"I went after the man who shot me the day before yesterday, together with Esposito. Ryan was supposed to have our backs, because we didn't tell Gates. But Maddox knocked Espo out and fled to the roof and we fought and…"

"Kate, please stop. I don't want to know. Still. Maybe someday. But I can't take this now. I've seen all the bruises on your body and I can't… Please…"

"Ok, ok. I am sorry." She murmured, increasing the grip on his hand.

"Anyway. Ryan cam with backup. And with Gates. When we got back to the 12th, she suspended both Espo and me for withholding evidence and going rough."

"You're suspended?" he asked, disbelievingly.

"No. Javi is suspended. I… promise me not to ask me any questions and just leave it at that? For now? We can talk later. I want you to know, but I don't want to talk about it. Give me some time to figure it out myself and when I am able to explain it to you, I will, I promise you."

"What is it, Kate? How bad can it be?"

"Do you promise me?"

"Yes, I promise."

"I resigned."

And even if he had wanted to say something to that, he didn't even know what. For the first time in his life, Richard Castle was truly speechless.


	5. Chapter 5

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: Another quick chapter that mostly wrote itself. Enjoy. :o) **

**And a big THANK YOU to purplangel who left so lovely reviews on every chapter so far! You're wonderful, hun!  
**

* * *

"Castle…" she said, a little warning in her voice.

"Nope, I won't tell you. Not even if you thread me with the Beckett-glare… Yeah, exactly this one. "

He looked away as if to protect himself.

"No, Beckett, not working."

"Damn!" she uttered under her breath. There had to be a possibility to make him tell her.

"Ooooh, Ri –ck… That's too bad. How shall I know if I have to pack my new … red … string … bikini… ?" she murmured into his ear.

"I… uhm… well…"

She almost had him. But when she hummed into his ear, pleased with the power she had over him and his body, he suddenly stiffed and turned away.

"You're mean, Beckett. But NO, this isn't working, either. I – won't – tell – you!" he smiled wickedly, moving away from her.

"But you can pack it anyway. I'll find a way for you to wear it…" the writer waggled his eyebrows.

Kate sighed. She hated surprises. Another one of these control-everything-things. But she trusted him and that was enough for her not to panic or worry too much about where they were going while his house in the Hamptons was occupied by his mother.

So she sighed heavily and tried to just enjoy the fact that they were going away for a few days, leaving everything behind for a little while, just enjoying each other's company.

"Would you at least tell me what you're cooking there? Smells delicious…"

"It's Alexis' favourite. Self-made lasagna with red pepper, carrots and lots of tomatoes added to the sauce. Would you like to taste it for me? I think something's missing…"

She moaned when he put the spoon into her mouth, enjoying the delicious aroma of the meat with the vegetable-sauce that just fit together perfectly.

"Rick this is amazing. I wouldn't change anything about it. It's perfect." She murmured, gripping his wrist and kissing his hand softly, trailing kisses along his lower arm. He looked at her longingly and pulled her into a hug.

"Good. But now, would you mind to set the table? Alexis should be here any minute."

"Course."

When he looked after her, moving freely inside his kitchen, already knowing where everything was, so completely at ease, he wondered for the hundreds time how he got so lucky. He didn't understand it completely, how they ended up here, what had happened to cause this sudden change in her behavior. But he was everything else than complaining and he didn't ask. And still, he wasn't quite used to all those new feelings, all those little caresses and kisses that just felt so natural.

He had truly thought they were over, done, never seeing each other again. And then she stood there, all wet and gorgeous at his door, claiming him, kissing him senseless, telling him she finally realized that it was him whom she wanted. And today she told him she was in love with him all this time for over three years now. That she wanted this and that she wouldn't go anywhere. That she wouldn't just disappear again and not calling for three months – and although it still hurt and his insecurity towards her still lingered, he trusted her. He would just need some more time.

And a lot more time to process the fact that she quit her job. He couldn't _not _ask questions, couldn't _not_ react to this statement. But she wouldn't tell him anything more about it, wouldn't discuss her decision. So he left it at that, waiting for her to tell him one day.

For now both of them just wanted to put all those things aside and simply enjoy the fact that they were here, together and taking a little trip the next day. He would do his best to make it carefree, relaxed and unforgettable for her. All those other things could wait. Time would heal them eventually. And in the meantime, he just wanted to enjoy that he got so lucky to have her.

* * *

"How long will you be gone?"

"Just a few days, Pumpkin, maybe a week. Would you like to join your grandmother in the Hampton's?" he offered, his hand never leaving Kate's knee under the table.

"Well, actually, I wanted to ask you if I could meet with a few friends there anyway. We wanted to enjoy one last weekend together, before everyone moves on and away all over the country."

"Of course, Alexis. The house is yours. If you don't mind that your grandmother's there."

Alexis nodded, putting another folk with lasagna into her mouth.

"Dad, this is wonderful, as always. What do you think, Detective Beckett?"

"Alexis, it's Kate. I already told you that." She smiled, putting her hand above Rick's on her knee.

"And I think it's amazing. The best lasagna I have ever eaten. You've got a great taste for food."

"Thank you… Kate. You'll be able to eat it regularly now, I suppose."

"I hope so." she said looking over to Rick, smiling brightly, both just looking at each other, the food completely forgotten.

"O.k., you two… Dad, Kate, please safe that for later."

"Sorry." Both of them mumbled, looking hastily away, feeling like teenagers caught by their mom.

"Anyway, where are you going?"

"Yeah, Rick, where are we going?" Kate asked again, removing her hand from his'.

"It's a surprise. No more questions. Now, eat." He said when both women frowned at him.

When they had finished their meal, Rick sent Kate away into the living room, asking her to pick a movie for the evening.

"Alexis, is it really ok if we're gone for a few days? I mean, if you need me now or want me to come to the Hampton's with you…"

"No, dad, it's fine. Go. Have fun."

"Thank you. It really means a lot to me. I am gonna take her to one of those islands I told you about. We really need a little relaxation now…"

"But, promise me one thing?"

"Anything pumpkin."

"Don't… Please just…"

"What is it? You know you can tell me everything." He reassured her, putting both hands on her shoulders, holding her at arm's length and looking deeply into her eyes which were just as blue as his own.

"Just, please make time for me here and then and… I know I am going to college and… You're with Kate now and I really like her, but…"

"Oh, come here." He hugged her tightly. "You know that you're the most important thing in my life? You always come first. Didn't I prove that to you with Gina?"

"Well, yes, but Kate's not Gina, right? I can see it is different."

"It is, Alexis. Kate is special. I have never felt like this for anyone. But I love you just as much as her. And this will never change, I promise you. Whenever you need me, with 18 years or even with 50 years, I'll be there. Always."

Kate, who just came back into the kitchen, stood a little aside watching them and smiled warmly at the two. This was the man with whom she fell in love all those years ago, the caring father, who always knew what to say.

She wondered if he would be like this with their children as well.

Wait, wait! Where was this coming from?

"Come here Kate." Alexis invited her and included her into the hug.

"I won't take him away from you, Alexis. He'll always be your dad." She said softly.

And suddenly loud banging on the front door interrupted their moment.

All three of them startled and moved towards the door and Rick opened it slowly wondering what was going on behind it.

And before anyone could react, a furious Lanie entered the room yelling at them.

"Richard Castle, is she here? Is she with you? Hell, I'm her best friend, I need to… Oh my gosh, you're really here!" she said when she spotted Kate beside him.

"We…", she grabbed Kate's arm and pulled her out of the loft with her, heading for the stairs, "need to talk."

"Lanie, what's gotten into you? What's wrong?"

"What's gotten into ME? What's gotten into you?" Lanie yelled, when they reached the level below.

"You nearly died Kate! And then you resigned and just vanished and turned your phone off. I couldn't reach you at home, either. Hell, I was worried about you! What the hell were you thinking? I thought we were friends."

"Oh, Lanie, I am sorry. Of course we're friends. You're my best friend. I just didn't think straight the last days."

"I can tell. You could've turned your phone on at least. Or called me. Or sent me a message telling me you were ok. I left a dozen messages on your mailbox. I had no idea you were here all the time! I thought you were alone, hurting and desperate. I was really worried about you."

"I'm so sorry, Lanie. You're right, it was stupid. I don't even know where my phone is…"

"Maybe in Richard fucking Castle's bed?" Lanie smirked.

"Lanie! Shush. Shut up."

"So it's true? You two did the deed? It was about damn time, girl, you know that?"

"Would you please stop yelling now? Yes, we're…", the words didn't come easy, but she was done with denying. She was so happy, everyone could know it now.

"We're together now."

"That's great news! Means I didn't win the pool, but anyway…"

"God, Lanie, you're incorrigible. Are you still mad?"

"No, girl. I was just worried. But now that I know that you used your time well, it's fine. As long as you're fine."

"I am great actually." Kate smiled.

"I can see that. So what are you two lovebirds gonna do now?"

"We're going away tomorrow. Just for a few days."

"Ooooh, sounds lovely. One of the many advantages of dating a best-selling author, huh? Then I don't want to interrupt further. Have a great time. And make sure to call me when you get back. We need a lady's night!"

"I will. I promise."

"The devil may take you if you don't."

* * *

"Oh my God, Castle… Rick, this is…"

"I know. Pretty impressive, huh?"

"How the hell…"

"I know the owner. I just borrowed it, together with the pilot. It's not mine."

She was speechless. She was going on a trip with Rick Castle, her _boyfriend_, and they were going to fly in a private jet. Wow.

"I've never… I just thought we would drive somewhere…"

"I know, love. But I wanted to surprise you. Let you enjoy a little of my money. The money you made me able to earn, you know? As my mu-"

"I told you what would happen if you call me this again?"

"Yeah, yeah. I remember pretty clearly. Anyway, it's true. I wouldn't have all this money from the Nikki Heat books if it wasn't for you to inspire me. So please, just enjoy it."

"Ok, fine. This one time. But next time, we'll decide together."

"Of course."

They entered the jet and took their seats beside each other in the back of it. Kate instantly lay her head down on Rick's shoulder, closed her eyes, and sighed contently. And when she opened her eyes again she let him see all this contentment, this happiness to be there with him, all of her love for him. And he was so very thankful for that, thankful that she finally opened up for him, letting him see all these emotions. A few days ago they must've been there, too, deep inside her, but she wouldn't show him. Now they had crossed this line and were together on this journey, moving along each other as if it wouldn't have ever been differently.

When they were up in the air, heading for their destination, Rick loosened their seat-belts and turned their seats down in a lying position, removing the armrest between them.

They just lay there, beside each other looking out of the window, down on the fluffy, white clouds, enjoying the sunshine. As if it were really just the two of them and the rest of the world simply didn't exist. Rick caressed Kate's bare shoulder, after pushing down the strap of her top and her bra. They both were in loose jeans, Rick wearing a deep blue polo-shirt and Kate a light green spaghetti strap top, both just wanting to feel comfortable.

"This is my first real vacation since my mum died…" she said slowly.

"Really? Oh my, then it was about damn time. I promise you, it's gonna be good. I'll do everything to make it wonderful."

"Thank you, Rick. Thank you." She kissed him lightly, without deepening the kiss, just enjoying his oh so soft lips beneath her own.

"We're going to be up here for a while. Let's take a little nap."

She was already lowering her head onto his chest and closing her eyes.

He kissed her onto the crown of her head, enjoying the feel of her body beside him, proud that he hadn't given away their destination. It was just perfect and would leave her speechless, he was sure.

Content to lie there together, high above the clouds and far away from all the problems and issues they had to face; they fell into a light slumber, looking forward to the time that lay ahead of them.

* * *

A**/N: Again a big thank you to everyone out there who reads this story. I am always happy about a little constructive critic, so please leave review and let me know what you think.**

**And, again, if anyone wants to beta this story, please pm me!**


	6. Chapter 6

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: Step by step we're getting there… ;o)**

_Previously: Content to lie there together, high above the clouds and far away from all the problems and issues they had to face; they fell into a light slumber, looking forward to the time that lay ahead of them. _

* * *

"Kate… Kate… Wake up, we're almost there…" he murmured softly into her ear, caressing her cheek with his large hand.

"What? Where?" she asked, slightly disorientated and confused.

"Look for yourself." He smiled warmly at her, a little nervous for her reaction.

She rubbed her eyes like a little child and sat up in order to look out of the little round window.

"Oh my… Castle! Look at that…" she gasped.

"Mmmmh… Looks good, huh?" he murmured, leaning into her, placing a kiss onto her earlobe.

"You're not even looking."

"I like what I see…" he said, kissing her jaw line.

"Castle! Stop. Let me look."

"Yes, Ma'am." He laughed.

And when he looked out of the window, too, it also took his breath away. They were flying over an island, surrounded by crystal-clear light blue water. It just looked like paradise.

"Where are we, Rick? I've never been to such a place. What is this, the Pacific Ocean?"

"Yes, that's Baltra, one of the Galápagos Islands."

"Oh my God. I… we… what?" she was speechless. He brought her here? Wow. They were spending the next days right here? Wow. Wow. Wow.

"Just wait my love, it gets even better."

"Better? How could it get better than _that_? Rick, this is… This is amazing!"

"Let's get the seatbelts back on and then you can look yourself." He smiled knowingly.

When they landed safely and got out of the plane, they were greeted by a Hispanic looking man who led them into the small airport where he had already arranged a few drinks and some snacks for them.

After both of them used the bathroom, they sat down to eat and drink a bit after the long flight. It was really hot under the wooden roof and Kate leaned back into her chair, and although she had slept two times during the flight, she felt a little dozy.

She thought of her father's words. The words he said to her when she called him from her apartment this morning when she was there to pack her things for this trip.

She did not intend to tell him everything, but he just knew her too well. So he figured out that she quit her job and was flying away with Rick. And he was happy. For the first time since her mom died, she thought he was really happy. He was always concerned about her and her dangerous job, especially since she was shot last summer, and she heard in his voice that he was relieved that she resigned. He didn't say it exactly, but she knew. And when she told him about Rick and about this trip he didn't say much except that she should use this time.

And she was determined to follow his advice. The distance was calming her down and the bright sun was chasing the darkness inside her away. Not completely, but enough. It was enough for now. Time would heal her eventually. Time and Castle.

Oh Castle.

If he had any idea how much he had meant to her all this time. Maybe he should know. She tried her best to be as open to him as possible, hoping he would read everything in her she couldn't quite voice yet. But it wasn't enough. It's never enough.

His books kept her from drowning in her sorrow, from going down that rabbit hole and never come back again. And now he did this himself, in person. And it was so much better.

Even so much better.

"And now?" Kate asked after Rick checked his phone and was texting someone back.

"Now? We have to wait about half an hour."

"Why? Is the hotel room not ready yet?"

"Oh it is ready. But our ride is not here yet."

"Our ride? I thought we were… But… Where are we going now?"

"You'll see…"

"Castle…" she said, a warning undertone in her voice.

"Ok. Ok. You win. We're gonna fly a little more."

"Fly more? Where the hell are you taking me?"

"With our private jet, we had to land here on Baltra, because private planes flying to Galápagos can only land here, as it is the only airport with facilities for planes overnight. And the jet will stay for the time we spend here. Our next ride is a water plane that will bring us to Santa Fé – a small island southeastern of Baltra, eastern of Santa Cruz."

"Oh… Ok... Wow…" she said, her eyes getting bigger and bigger with every word from him.

"There's not much population on it as it is a very small island. We're going to have a small house a little before the beach, on stilts right above the ocean. You know, one of these houses that look as if they would be swimming right before the beach. And about 3 kilometers on each side with no one else there. Just the two of us. How does that sound?"

But instead of answering properly, Kate just jumped from her seat, sat on his lap and kissed him fiercely. She had no words to say anyway. What could she say to all that? It was just perfect. Even more than that. She had no word for it. Just. Wow.

How did she ever deserve this man?

* * *

The flight with the water plane was amazing, too. Although the plane didn't look that trustworthy, after a few minutes Kate felt safe nevertheless. They were flying straight over the ocean, having an unforgettable sight over a few tiny islands and when they looked to the right after a few miles, they had a wonderful view of the north and east coast of Santa Cruz. Kate had found just one word for it.

Paradise.

They landed at a small harbor at Santa Fe, called Hazard's Anchorage. Their pilot maneuvered the plane right beside a landing stage where they could get off the plane easily. Two friendly men helped them with their luggage and guided them through the little harbor town to a jeep that stood there already waiting for them. Once their luggage was tugged away safely, the men headed back to the plane, leaving them to their driver.

"¡Buenas tardes!" the man greeted them. "My name is Ernesto. Whenever you need something, you just call me. Mr. Castle, it's a pleasure to have you here. Miss Beckett. And now just enjoy the ride. We're going to drive about 15 kilometers to your destination."

"Thank you very much Ernesto. It's a pleasure to meet you in person." Rick greeted the man he called a day ago and set everything up with.

"Oh my gosh, Rick…" Kate murmured when they started driving.

"How on earth did you make all this possible in just one day?"

"I know someone who knows someone. It's all about contacts. Now don't worry so much. Enjoy the scenery, it's breathtaking isn't it?"

"Yeah, it is…" she sighed.

When they reached the place where their little wooden house stood, both of them couldn't believe their eyes. It was a lonely, deserted bay with just this one house there, right above the ocean on big stilts, only connected to the beach by a long footbridge. The beach consisted of bright white sand and the water around it was crystal clear so you could see the sand beneath it. The whole bay was quite shallow, the water only about 4 foot deep.

After Ernesto helped them with their luggage, he showed them around the house.

"Here in this room is the generator for the air condition, the fridge, warm water, and the light and so on. Right here is the bathroom, the bedroom and over there is the large living room facing the ocean. And here's the kitchen, the fridge should contain everything you'll need. But if there's anything missing, just call me. I'll be here just in about half an hour when you call. Have a good time."

"Thank you very much Ernesto. That's for you." Rick said, giving the man a generously tip, just as he did with the pilot and the two men helping them with their luggage. Kate thought he probably had spent the amount of one of her monthly salaries by now, but tried not to worry too much about the money. She didn't even want to know what this whole trip must have cost her writer. So she just followed his advice and tried to enjoy it.

The whole house was just gorgeous, quite modern inside, with large windows and pale walls. There were even four huge floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room, facing the ocean and a generous covered back porch behind them, also build on stilts. The whole house was bright and luxurious, just perfect.

"Oh Rick… I can't believe it. This is… amazing! Who owns such a place?"

"It's a friend from an old friend of mine. He had build this place about 4 years ago, but he's very busy and cannot use it very often. So he rents it for people like me, who just want to spend a few carefree days here. I've seen some pictures, but I didn't think it would be this amazing here... Let's get outside on the back porch." He suggested.

They went outside and discovered a little sitting area on the porch, just two comfy chairs and a small table.

"Sit down, Kate, I'll get us something to drink. " Rick announced, heading back for the kitchen.

He came back with two glasses of rich, red wine and sat down with her.

They sat there for about an hour, watching the sun set at the horizon, sinking into the ocean and coloring everything in a bright orange. The view was breathtaking and left them both speechless.

So they didn't talk much, just not knowing what to say; simply enjoying the view, the wine and the silent company, content to just be there.

* * *

"Come with me." Rick said, after he disappeared for about half an hour into the house, telling Kate to stay outside and not to peek.

"The surprise is ready."

"Oh, sounds good. I don't know how many more surprises I can take, but let's find out." She said happily.

"Let's shower first…" he said, leading her into the bathroom.

He took his time to admire her naked form, turning in the large shower, all wet and gorgeous, just an inch away from his hands. He could just grab her and push her against the wet tiles and take her right there –

No, Rick. Safe that for later. She comes first. But he couldn't suppress the urge to steal a kiss here and then and to help her wash her back and her hair. The bruises all over her body still looked quite painful and he did his best to take it easy on her.

When they both were finished with rinsing off, he stepped out of the shower, heading for the two soft bathrobes, handing one to her and put one on himself.

He took her hand and let her to the living room again, telling her to wait a few more minutes.

Hurrying into the bedroom to put the music on and lit the candles.

When he came back and led her into the bedroom, she had to blink a few times, holding her breath and looked at him in real surprise.

He had placed about 30 tea lights all over the room, Kenny G.'s "The Moment" playing softly and the floor was covered with rose petals.

"Is it too cheesy?" he asked unsure.

"No. It's perfect. No one did this for me before, Castle. It's just perfect." She murmured.

He led her to the comfy king-size-bed, telling her to give him her bath robe and to lie down on her stomach.

Then the writer put the robe away, getting to the nightstand to take the massage oil out of the heater.

He took his time to give her back and her shoulders a long massage, avoiding her bruises carefully, helping her relax and calm down and putting her at ease.

When he was finished, he put his robe aside, too, lying down beside her, caressing her shoulders.

She opened her eyes again, smiling at him before propping herself up onto her elbows and kissing him softly. He deepened the kiss slowly, running his tongue over her lips, begging for entrance. When she opened her mouth their tongues started dueling quickly, exploring, gliding over teeth and the roof of their mouths. The kiss was so heated that Rick felt himself go hard already. And before long they lay there in a tight embrace, hands roaming all over their bodies.

"Lay down on you back, Kate." Rick commanded, panting.

"As you wish." Kate murmured, the anticipation making her even more breathless.

"Close your eyes. Trust me. And tell me if you want me to stop."

She just nodded, her eyes already closed.

He hovered above her, caressing her breasts and nipples, while he kissed her ear, nibbled lightly at her lobe, kissing down her jaw line and then sucking hard on her pulse point.

"Uuuuuh, that's good. Moooore…" she moaned.

He kissed his way down to her breasts, licking, nibbling and kissing each nipple, his hands moving further down.

"Mmmmmmhhh, Rick… Yeah, right there…" she sighed, enjoying the feelings he woke in her.

"You like that?"

"Yeah… Oh yeah…"

"Then you're gonna love what comes next…" he grinned.

He moved further down while trailing open mouth kisses down her body, placing him between her legs, spreading them open for better access. He took a long look and then kissed her right knee oh so very lightly, feathering kisses upwards her inner thigh until he reached her already wet folds.

He kissed her right there, opening her folds with his fingers, kissing her most sensitive spot, too.

She gasped and moaned in pleasure, spreading her legs even wider for him.

After a few more kisses he started licking over her nub, tasting her.

"Oh God, Rick… Ooooohhh... More, more!" she groaned.

After a few more minutes he started to draw little circles over her most sensitive spot with his tongue, going at a very slow pace, driving her crazy.

"Mmmmhhh… Uuummmm…" Kate moaned, biting her lip.

"Don't hold back, Kate. Let it out… Open your mouth and let it out."

"Uuuuuuhhh…"

"Yeah that's better. There's no one else here to hear you…" he murmured rubbing his finger over her nub.

"Aaaaahhh… Oh God, Rick! Feels so… Uuuuuhhh, so good!" she groaned, her body twisting with pleasure.

Her breath quickened and he felt that she was close and so he slowed his movements, kissing her one last time right between her folds and then moving upwards again, laying down at her side.

"Rick… What… What are you doing? Don't stop!"

"Shush, Kate. I think it's enough for today. Next time I'll push a little further. But for now, just enjoy how good it feels."

"It was amazing, Rick. I had no idea that it would feel so good. So much different."

"I am glad you could enjoy it."

She looked at him for a long moment, feeling his grown erection pressing into her thigh.

"Make love to me, Rick." She whispered, looking him deeply into his eyes.

"Make love to me."

* * *

A**/N: I've never been to the Galapagos Islands myself, so if there are mistakes concerning Baltra or Santa Fé, please excuse me. I've just seen pictures of them on google and read about them a lot. If you haven't been there, either, you should go look for pictures. It looks really amazing.**

**And now leave a review. Please?**


	7. Chapter 7

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: This chapter made me blush myself during writing it. Hope you like it.**

_Previously: __She looked at him for a long moment, feeling his grown erection pressing into her thigh. _

"_Make love to me, Rick." She whispered, looking him deeply into his eyes._

"_Make love to me."_

* * *

"Kate, come on. Open the door."

"No!"

"Kate, please, this is ridiculous. Open the door and let me in. It's ok." He murmured.

"No, it's not. Just… leave me alone." She whispered, hoping he wouldn't hear it, hoping he would just go away. She didn't want him to see her embarrassing tears. She knew that she was being ridiculous, but she just couldn't help it. She wanted to let him in, to let him comfort her and make it all better. But she couldn't. She couldn't just define herself new and simply cast off all of her old habits. She was working on it; she was doing her best to let him in, to be as open as possible with him. But it was not working right now.

"Kate. Please." He begged, thinking desperately of what to do.

"No! Go away." She cried.

"Ok. Ok." He sighed. He could do this. Give her space. He had to do this, no matter how much strength it cost.

He went away silently, debating if this was the right thing to do. At some point she had to come out of the bathroom again. She had to, right? And then they would be able to talk. And sort it out.

When she realized that he must've been gone, she allowed her tears to run freely, felt the hot moisture against her reddened cheeks. Stupid, stupid tears.

All was well a few minutes ago, but her stupid feelings had to mess with her again. Damn panic attack. She was just too embarrassed this time to let him help her through it.

She wanted to enjoy it. She wanted to let go, to lose control. But her panic was messing with her again, screwing everything up.

He gave her so much, and she just couldn't give anything back.

Well, she could give something back. She could go out there to him and let him hold her instead of hiding in the bathroom, excluding him.

And suddenly she felt a lot like this day in L.A., when she closed the door on him, because everything's got too much, as well. And when she found the strength to open it again, it was already too late. He was gone.

And suddenly she was determined not to make this mistake again.

Kate unlocked and opened the door. She stepped out of the bathroom and went looking for her writer.

But he was nowhere to be seen.

Panic filled her chest again. No. No, no, no, no, no! This couldn't be. He couldn't be gone.

Ok, Kate, breathe. He can't be gone far. Where should he go here?

After a few minutes she found him on the back porch, standing at the handrail looking out over the ocean.

The sun had set about an hour ago and the air had become a little chilly.

She shivered when her bare feet came in contact with the cool wood.

"Here you are." She sighed, approaching him from behind and standing beside him.

"Where else should I be?" he asked softly.

"I don't know. For a second I thought you'd be gone. Again."

"Again?"

"Yeah… Like in L.A." she sighed.

He looked at her for a long moment, thinking back to this evening when she left him sitting there, closing her bedroom door on him.

"You came back?"

"Um hum… But you were gone into your bedroom already."

"I am sorry, Kate. But it was better this way. We weren't at the right point then. You were still with Josh and I was talking too much-"

She silenced him with a kiss on his lips.

"I am the one who should be sorry, Rick. I was stupid and blind and-"

"Let's put it to rest Kate. No looking back. We're here now. That's all that counts."

She leaned into him, closing her eyes, a soft sigh on her lips.

"I'm sorry for hiding in the bathroom, Rick. I couldn't help it. I'm so sorry." She whispered.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know. I… It's hopeless, Rick. I think I just have to accept that it doesn't work-"

"No, Kate. Absolutely no. Just because you've got a panic attack again doesn't mean it cannot be different next time. Or the time after. You have to be more patient with yourself."

"Yeah, right. Because I so good at being patient with myself."

"You'll learn it. Just like you'll learn to let go. And just as you had the perfect partner, you now have the perfect teacher." He smiled.

"You're a goof, you know that right?" she laughed.

He waggled his eyebrows at her, grinning foolishly.

"And you love me for it."

"Yeah, I think I do."

"You think?" he asked, playing wounded. But it was not working very well.

She smacked him lightly on the chest.

"It's embarrassing." She whispered, avoiding his eyes.

His grin fell and he put a finger under her chin, making her look up to him.

"Kate, when it comes to me, there is nothing, absolutely _nothing, _you should be embarrassed about. You got a panic attack-"

"While we were sleeping together-"

"So? I know the reasons behind it. And it's ok. It's just fine. We'll get there, we're working on it. Let's take it easy, love."

"I don't know, Rick…" she sighed.

"I'll figure something out, ok? Just let me work things out for you. This one time. Lean back and relax and let me do this for you."

She thought for a long moment. And she just couldn't find reasons against this. Couldn't find any harm in it.

"Ok. I think I can do that."

"Good. And now, I'll make us something for dinner. I'm hungry."

* * *

"Oh, Rick, this is amazing!" she murmured around a folk full of curry-chicken and rice.

"Why, thank you. I am glad you like it."

"How did you learn to cook like this?"

"Well, I hadn't had much of a chance, right?"

Oh. Right. Alexis.

"I found this amazing cooking channel and just started to try things out. I couldn't feed Alexis pancakes all the time. So I had to do something about it. It was a lot of trial and error, but after a few months it worked out very well. And who'da thunk it? Today I just love cooking. And I am happy that you finally let me feed you properly." He grinned.

"Oh, if it tastes like that, I'll be happy to let you fed me for the rest of my life."

Oh. _Oh._ What the hell-

"I mean… Uh, I-"

"It's ok, Kate, I know what you meant. Now eat."

She failed miserably in hiding the blush on her face and he wasn't stupid enough to make fun of her slip right now. But his time would come.

When they were finished with eating, they put the dishes in the dish washer together, moving easily around each other in the generous kitchen.

Rick just loved being all domestic with Kate, hoping there would come a day when she'd agree to move in with him and it would be like this forever. And the way she seemed to enjoy this, too, let him hope that this day wouldn't be too far away anymore. They were waiting for four years already and he was done with wasting time. But for now he just enjoyed this feeling, this foretaste of what was to come hopefully.

"Let's go to bed, Kate." He whispered into her ear, pressing her to him in a tight embrace.

"Time for round two." He grinned.

"Rick… I… I don't know-"

He didn't let her finished her sentence, crashing his lips on hers. The kiss was rough and heated, teeth clashing and tongues swirling around. He groaned into her mouth, sucking in her bottom lip and biting down, soothing with his tongue. He let his hands roam over her back, moving down and gripping her ass, pressing her to him, letting her feel his already growing member.

He lifted her up on the kitchen counter, placing himself between her legs, his fingers fumbling with her waistband, searching for skin. He left her mouth and trailed open mouth kisses along her jaw line, nibbled at her earlobe and sucking hard on her pulse point.

He would never get tired of the low and oh so sexy little sounds he educed from her and although it was driving him crazy and his pants were already so tight it almost hurt, he broke away, leaving her sitting there panting and all hot and bothered. But he didn't want her to do something she didn't want to, so he let her decide. And he didn't have to wait long.

She shot him a hot and sultry glance, jumped off the counter and walked to the bedroom, her hips swinging seductively.

"Come on, writer man. Time for round two."

* * *

"Oh wow, Rick… That was… That was…"

"Amazing." He finished the sentence for her.

They were lying on their backs beside each other, catching their breaths.

"I was so close…" she murmured, turning to her side and letting her hand rest on his chest, playing with his hair there.

"I know. But I didn't want to push too far. We're getting there. But this position we just had… I didn't think this was even possible…" he told her, admiring her abilities.

"Yoga, Castle. Yoga." She smiled.

"Gotta love yoga." He laughed.

"Now turn around. I need to sleep now. You wear me out."

"You mean you wear _me_ out, Beckett. And no, you turn around, I want to spoon up with you."

"Nuh uh. Not gonna happen. I am not a cuddler, Castle. I need to move freely. So if you want to cuddle a little, you turn around and let me be the big spoon so I can move away if I need to."

"Oh. Ok…" he said a little disappointed, but did as he was told. He would take all she was able to give. And maybe someday it would be different. But she was here, warm and comfortable at his back and that was enough.

* * *

They spent the next two days carefree, going for long walks around their bay, swimming in the warm water – Kate driving Rick crazy with her small black string bikini -, cooking meals together and spending a lot of time in their bedroom. Rick was pushing Kate further and further, always taking his time to turn her on and make it as enjoyable as possible for her, trying lots of different things to find out what she liked best. She didn't have a panic attack again so far and he thought that maybe she was ready now. He knew what it felt like to be aroused all the time but not to be able to finish and he didn't want to torture her with his treatment. So one morning he thought up a plan, called Ernesto, and set everything up while she was showering.

He packed a few things into a big backpack and when she emerged out of the bathroom he just told her to put a bikini and some light clothes on and be ready for another surprise.

She looked at him suspiciously, but did as she was told.

When Ernesto arrived twenty minutes later with his jeep, he told her to not ask any questions.

"Just trust me, Kate. I have set up something special for you."

She sighed. Ok. She can do this. She can.

They drove for about half an hour to the harbor where they had arrived four days ago. It was still early in the morning and a lot of people were moving around.

Ernesto just nodded at Rick; not saying anything about what was set up for him and Kate, in order to not give away the surprise.

The writer got out of the jeep, helping Kate to get out as well.

"Thank you very much, Ernesto. We're gonna be back at around 4 p.m., I think." He said, shaking hands with him.

"I'll be awaiting you." He answered with a smile.

Rick shouldered his backpack and took Kate's hand, leading her down to the harbor.

"Where are we going, Castle?" she whispered.

"You'll see it soon enough." He smiled knowingly.

She just shook her head and smiled, seeing how exited and joyful he was in his amazing blue eyes.

Use your time, her father had said. She was going to do so.

Her writer led her to one of the landing stages, where a tiny boat was waiting for them.

The man who sat inside greeted them friendly, gesturing for them to come into the boat.

But suddenly Kate lost all her color and tugged at Rick's hand.

"Castle! Wait. Are you telling me we're going to use this thing?"

"Yes, Kate. What's the matter?"

"No, no, no. I am not using this cockleshell, Castle! No way. There are sharks out there!"

"So? We're not going too far out and the water's quite shallow everywhere. And everyone uses these boats. There's no other way to get to where we're going."

"I am not using this thing." She said stubbornly.

"Kate, come here. What's wrong? We were swimming in the ocean at our bay, as well. And you didn't complain about anything. Are you really telling me you are afraid of some little sharks?"

"There weren't any sharks at our bay; the water is not deep enough. But out there? I… I-"

"You really are afraid of sharks!"

"Wow, Castle. Fine, go ahead and make a fool of me."

"No, Kate. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I just didn't know. I just… Didn't think you were afraid of them." He apologized.

"Come on Kate, there's nothing to worry about. I'll rescue you." He waggled his eyebrows.

"Not funny."

"You really don't have to be afraid. The water is, as I said, quite shallow around here. I would never put you in real danger. They don't get too far out there with these little boats. And we don't have to get far. Do you trust me?"

"Yes. I trust you." She smiled.

"Good. Then let's go."

* * *

They left some tiny islands behind; moving further north until there were less and less islands to be seen. And when they reached a small island and landed a little before it, no other islands could be seen around. It was the only one out there for about 2 kilometers.

"So, mister, lady. We're here." Their boatman said.

"The last meters you have to walk through the water. It's only about 2 foot deep, so just pull off your shoes and there you go. I'll be back at around half past 3 p.m. and if you need something or want to get away earlier just call Ernesto. He'll let me know then. Have a good time."

They did as they were told and pulled off their shoes and got off the boat, wandering towards the beach of the tiny island.

When they looked around it was just a little spot of white sand with nothing on it except for a few bushes and about fifty palm trees. It was about 800 meters long and 500 meters wide, surrounded by shallow crystal clear water.

"So, what do you say?" Rick asked when Kate just stood there looking disbelievingly.

"I… This is… Oh my Gosh, Rick…"

"Do you like it?"

"Yes, yes, I love it! This is… this is amazing!" she exclaimed.

"I am glad. And now, let's lay down here on the beach and enjoy the sun." He said, putting his backpack down and pulling a large blanket and two bottles of water out of it.

They spent a few carefree hours lying on the blanket in the sun. Rick was pleased to see that Kate's bruises were fading finally as he worked the sun blocker into her skin.

But when noon came nearer and the sun became even more intensive, the writer suggested that they move to the center of the island where they could sit in the shadow under the large palm trees.

They found a spot of sand, surrounded by eight large palm trees, secluded from the rest of the world under the roof of the palm leaves.

Rick put the blanket down there, producing all sorts of fruits and some sandwiches from an ice box out of his backpack.

"Picnic time!" he announced happily.

They ate in silence, enjoying the stillness of that place.

"It's amazing how quiet it is here… There's nothing except for the sound of the waves and the wind in the trees. I could stay here forever…" Kate sighed.

"Nah. It would get boring after some time…" Rick pointed out.

"Yeah, maybe. But for the moment it's wonderful. Thank you, Rick." She murmured, sitting closer to him and pressing a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth.

When she started to pull away again he held her there, pressing his lips to hers.

"Let's work on your problem, love…" he whispered.

"Here?" she asked disbelievingly.

"Why not? There's no one around for 2 kilometers and we cannot be seen from above, here under all those palm tree leaves. It's the perfect place." He smiled, tugging on her shirt.

"Lay down, relax. Listen to the sound of the waves and don't think too much."

She did as she was told and before long, Rick had removed her shirt and shorts, displaying her red bikini.

"Uuuhh woman, you're going to kill me with those sexy things…" he groaned.

She laughed her rich and full laugh, giving him a sultry look.

He lay down beside her, playing with her breasts, caressing her nipples through the thin material. Then he moved the fabric a little aside in order to have better access with his mouth. He kisses and licked her hardened nipples, sucking and nibbling and making her moan.

He let his right hand glide slowly down her stomach and between her legs, caressing her folds. When he felt her being all wet through the thin material, he slipped his hand inside her bikini pants and let his pointer finger draw slow circles around her clit, never loosing contact with his mouth on her nipples.

"Oooohh Rick. Uuuuuhm… That feels so good…" she moaned, already on the edge.

He brought his left arm around her shoulders holding her closely to him, while he kissed her passionately on her lips, increasing the pace with his finger around her nub.

"Oh God! Uuuuuuuuh…" she groaned, her body already twisting with the pleasure he brought her.

"Ooohhh Rick… I'm… I'm so close…" she moaned, panting.

"I know… Just let go, Kate. I'm here… I'm right here. Come for me, Kate… I've got you…" he whispered into her ear, then moving down to her pulse point sucking hard, pressing her into him and holding her tight.

"Oh yeah… Oh my Goooood… Oh Rick!" she cried out, gripping his shirt with both hands and burying her face into his shoulder.

And when she came, she came hard, screaming his name, her whole body twisting and jerking with pleasure.

He brought her gently down from her climax, holding her close to him, grounding her, kissing her and whispering softly into her ear while wave after wave rolled over her.

And then both just lay there panting, holding on to each other in a tight embrace.

"Are you okay?" he asked softly.

"Yeah, Rick, I'm great. That was… That was incredible. I had no idea…" she murmured.

And so Rick was the happiest man on the whole planet. He made her come and brought all this pleasure to her; and she had no panic attack. It all worked out and she could _finally_ enjoy it. And it was _him_ who brought this pleasure to her.

He already couldn't wait for the next time.

* * *

**A/N: This chapter was quite difficult to write for me. I'd be very happy about a little feedback!**


	8. Chapter 8

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

_Previously: And so Rick was the happiest man on the whole planet. He made her come and brought all this pleasure to her; and she had no panic attack. It all worked out and she could finally enjoy it. And it was him who brought this pleasure to her. _

_He already couldn't wait for the next time._

* * *

About an hour later their boat arrives and they take their shoes into their hands and Rick shoulders his backpack in order to avoid the water they have to walk trough again.

Once inside the tiny boat, they sit down beside each other and Kate immediately leans into his side.

"That was wonderful Rick." She sighs contently.

"Which part? The island or…" he waggles his eyebrows, giving her a pleased-with-himself grin.

"Both." She whispers.

"You have no idea how happy you make me…" she murmurs.

"Oh, I think I've just saw and heard how happy-"

"Oh shut up. It's not only that. I'm serious, Rick. Thank you. For everything. Yeah, for that, too." She adds when he is about to say something indecent again.

"It was my pleasure. The whole trip actually. You look so much better now. God, I love you Kate. I love you so much!"

"I love you, too." She kisses him softly, laying her head on his shoulder afterwards.

The boat driver, who doesn't seem to understand much of what they are saying, speaking mostly Spanish and only a little English, nonetheless grins to himself when he sees how they interact with each other.

Like a just married couple on honeymoon shoots through Kate's head. And the thought should freak her out, but surprisingly it doesn't. In all of her other relationships it had let panic spread through her system when she simply thought of a marriage with her current boyfriend. But not this time, not with Castle. With Castle everything is different. And so much better.

She had always said she was a one and done type of girl. And right in this moment, she realizes why the panic fails to appear – it was because she finally found him. Her one and done. She finally found him.

When he had asked her how you know when you're in love, she had answered mechanically that all songs would make sense. And with Will she thought she experienced it already. But she was so wrong. She only now realizes it, only now understands what her own answer really meant, because suddenly all songs actually do make sense. And she feels it, finally feels all the love she has inside her. She's going to explode with all this love for her writer. And when she looks at him she sees it in his eyes, too. In the tender expression he regards her with, it almost makes her cry.

And he sees it, too. Sees the sudden change in her eyes that has nothing to do with the orgasm she just experienced. She's different after it, of course, settled and relaxed and content, moving more freely and smiling brighter. But he sees she's changing, right in this moment, something in her mind falling into place, settling, and he wonders what it might be.

"One penny for your thoughts…" he murmurs into her ear.

"Oh, uhm… I was just thinking… I haven't figured it out myself, really. So much is happening, so much is changing. But it feels right. So right, Rick. Don't worry, I'm great." She reassures him.

"I can see that much." He smiles.

It's ok. It's ok if she can't tell him everything now. But when she's ready, when she sorted everything out by herself, he's sure she'll come to him and everything will be fine.

* * *

When they are back at their house on the ocean they decide mutually that they want to fly home the next day. Rick wants to see Alexis again and check on her in person, not just on the phone where he feels that she doesn't tell him everything in order not to make him worry so much. He doesn't want her to be alone at their home so much. And Kate wants to go back to her apartment and check the mail and the content of her fridge and various other things.

They've been living in their happy bubble for a week now, since she stood at his door and finally admitted her feelings, and now they both feel that they should face the rest of the world again.

"Let's get outside and watch the sun set one last time here." Rick suggest after the generous dinner they cooked together.

He takes her by the hand and they walk outside together, still amazed by the view they get from the back porch over the ocean in which the sun sinks slowly into.

Kate sighs and looks around with dreamy eyes, taking everything in and simply enjoying the regular evening sight.

"We'll get back here someday. I promise." He says, reading her mind.

"I'm really going to miss it. But we have to get back. We've been egoistic long enough."

"It wasn't egoistic, Kate. We both needed this. The distance, the quiet, the loneliness. Our new relationship needed this. And now we both are at the point where we are strong enough to get back and face the world. But it doesn't mean we're leaving forever. We can always come back. Next year, same time?" he asks hopefully.

"Next year, same time." She murmurs happy.

They stand there a moment longer, holding each other in a tight embrace. But when Rick starts to kiss Kate below her ear, they both move quickly over to the gigantic sun lounger. Lying down there, kissing passionately, their clothes are gone fast.

Rick embraces Kate from behind, spooning her and caressing her breast with his talented hands, holding her close to him. When he enters her slowly both moan in pleasure, moving in complete sync, breathing hard. Rick lets his right hand glide further down Kate's body soon, bringing his fingers down to her folds, stroking softly. When he finds her sensitive spot she gasps, groaning deeply, letting the pleasure wash over her body.

He feels that she is close, but still has difficulties to let go completely.

"Relax, Kate. I'm here. I've got you, remember? God, you're so hot… Aaaaaaahhh, Kate. Just let go… Mmmmmmh, come for me, Kate…" he whispers into her ear, breathing hard, barely able to force the words out of his mouth.

He increases the pace with his fingers on her clit, massaging her left breast and sucking on her pulse point, and all these actions together are driving her over the edge.

"Ooooooh, Rick… Oh God! Uuuuuuuh, Rick! Rick! Aaaaaaaahhh…"

And when he feels her walls clench around him, he only needs some more trusts inside her to finish himself.

"Oh, Rick… I could really get used to that…" she sighs, panting.

He chuckles, still holding her tight to him.

"Me too, love. Me too."

* * *

"Come on, Rick. One more…" Kate murmurs into his ear, letting her hands glide down his sides, gripping his ass.

They are standing in the kitchen at 4 a.m., both needing a little water during the hot night.

"Kate, you're insatiable. You wear me out." He smiles softly at her.

"Come on. It's your fault anyway. It's just too good now. You showed me and now you have to pay the price." She chuckles.

"Whoa, Kate-" he groans when she grips his member firmly.

"I thought I paid the price already… Out on the porch... And on the couch in the living room… And in the shower… And on the kitchen table… And in bed just an hour ago…" he murmurs between kisses on her neck.

She shoots him a sultry grin.

"Once more. And then you can get back to sleep, old man."

He grips her firmly and lifts her off the ground, pressing her to him. He will make her regret to call him an old man. He will so make her regret it.

* * *

She stands in the bright sun, a sigh escaping her lips.

"I don't want to leave, either. We could stay one more day." He suggests, sitting down on one of the two small chairs on the back porch of the house.

"No. We have to get back. I've taken you away from your daughter long enough."

"You know that this isn't true. It was my idea to come here."

"Um hum. One of the best ideas you ever had." She murmurs, sitting down on his lap and kissing him softly.

"Have we got everything?" he asks, looking around.

"I double checked every room."

"Then let's get to the front. Ernesto should be here any minute."

They gather their luggage and bring everything in front of the house, standing there in a tight embrace, enjoying the late morning sun.

"Mister Castle, Miss Beckett." Ernesto calls from afar, coming to a stop with his jeep in front of them.

"Let me help you with your luggage. I hope you had a good stay?"

"Just like we said yesterday, Ernesto, it's been great. We had an amazing time. But we really have to get back now. Is everything ready for our departure?"

"Everything's settled, Mister Castle. Don't worry."

"Thank you very much."

The ride back to the harbor is silent, Kate and Rick both away in their own thoughts.

When they reach the harbor and the water plane, Ernesto helps them to tuck away their luggage and bids them farewell.

"It's been a pleasure, Ernesto. We sure will be back someday soon. Thank you for everything." Rick says, giving the man an envelope with a generous tip in it.

Kate doesn't even want to know how much might be in there. And she finds herself in a state at the end of their trip where she doesn't even care. She stopped worrying so much about his money, about who he is to the outside world. To her, he's just Rick. Her Rick.

They don't have to wait at the airport on Baltra for long; their private jet is ready for their departure shortly after they arrive from Santa Fé.

And before long, they're up above the clouds again, heading home.

"These five days were gone in a rush…" Rick remarks, standing up and getting them something to drink.

"Yeah. And so much has changed since the last time we sat in here…"

"Change is good, Kate. Don't look back. The future has so much to offer for us." He reassures her.

The future. Their future. But Kate cannot quite wrap her mind around it. New York is waiting for them, but what exactly is waiting for her there? He has his daughter who still needs him, he has his job. But what is waiting for her? She has no idea yet.

"It's gonna be fine. We've got each other. We'll figure it out. Together. You don't have to do this alone." He says, reading her mind.

"And you can take all the time you need. Just let me care for you. You know I've got enough money for us both to never leave our bed again…" he waggles his eyebrows.

_Our bed_. It feels like that but they aren't quite there yet…

"As tempting as that sounds, Mr. Castle…" she shoots him sultry grin, "I really think I have to find something else to do, apart from you."

"Oh, you can always do me…" he laughs. "But I know what you mean. But not today. Or tomorrow. Give it some time and figure it out. And now let's catch up a little sleep. You didn't let me sleep much last night…" he chuckles.

"And I am not planning on letting you get much sleep any time soon."

* * *

She sits there in the dim light of her apartment and still doesn't know what to do with herself.

She kissed him goodbye in his town car, not wanting him to come up with her, because then she wouldn't have let him go again anytime soon. And she didn't want to take him away from his daughter any longer.

She had him all to herself for five full days, but she is already missing him. And she isn't comfortable with this feeling at all.

She paces through her living room, unable to sit still and argues in her head what to do next. She already checked her mail, threw out the whole content of her fridge, cleaned everything up and did her laundry. And she still feels off. She isn't fitting here anymore. She doesn't feel home anymore. For the first time since she moved in here, she feels that she doesn't belong here.

She had always felt secure in here, even through her panic attacks from her PTSD and her nightmares; she had always felt safe. It was this place she always escaped to, to be alone, to have her space, to have quiet when it all got too much, to gain new strength.

But she doesn't find any of this here anymore. She just feels lonely. So very lonely.

She just wants to get out of here again, back into his arms. Oh my, she is getting way too sappy for her own good. But it is true nonetheless.

She grabs her purse, her phone and her keys, locks her apartment up and heads out of the building.

She can't get back to him. Not yet. She told him she needed time for herself and that he should spent some quality time with his daughter. She would not take this back now. It wasn't right, no matter how she felt now.

She pulls her phone out of her pocket and calls Lanie. She would help her sort it out.

"Hi girlfriend! You're back in town already?"

"Hi Lanie. Yeah, we got back a few hours ago. Are you home?"

"Not really. But I can be there in 30. Wanna meet there?"

"I'm on my way."

"Great, see you then. And I wanna have details, girl!"

* * *

"Dad!" Alexis squeals when he enters the door to the loft.

"Alexis, hi! Oh I have missed you, pumpkin!" he hugs her tightly.

"Where's Kate?" she asks, looking around.

"She's at her apartment. So tell me, how have you been?"

"Why isn't she here with you? Did you two-"

"No, no. Everything's fine. She had some stuff to do. I'll invite her over tomorrow if that's ok with you."

"Da-ad. Now ask her already…" she says, rolling her eyes in a perfect copy of Kate's eye roll. Huh. Interesting.

"What do you mean pumpkin?"

"You know what I mean. Ask her to move in with you. I know you want to. I'll be gone soon and I don't want you to be alone here."

"Alexis, it's just been a week. I don't think she'll-"

"You should offer it nevertheless. So that she knows that she's wanted here."

"Is she, Alexis? Do you really want her here?" he asks unsure.

"I like her. And I can see that she makes you happy. So yes. Ask her to move in with us."

_Us._ That was all the confirmation he needed.

"And now… Ice cream and a Lord of the Rings night?" he grins.

"Sounds great!"

* * *

"Oh I am so jealous! Did you take pictures?"

"He took a few, but he's got his camera with him. I'll show you later."

"Oh my gosh, it must've been perfect. And now spill, how is Richard fucking Castle in bed?"

"Lanie! You know what they say? A gentleman never tells. And I won't tell either."

"Oh, Kate, that's so not fair. We all waited so long for-"

"You ALL?"

"Uhm… Er… We…" Lanie stumbled, an uncharacteristic bright red flaming her cheeks.

"I don't even want to know. I can tell you this much… He's amazing, very attentive and definitely the best I've ever had."

"Wow. That good? Girl, I'm happy for you. I always knew he would be good for you."

"I am really happy, too." Kate sighs.

"I can hear a 'but' there. What's wrong?"

"I don't know, Lanie. This is all so very confusing for me. I'm not myself anymore. I… I feel like I need him to be whole. I want to be with him all the time, I feel horrible when he's away. I don't even feel home at my apartment anymore. I… I don't know what this is…"

"You're in love, girl. That's all. You miss him. What's wrong with that?"

"I just… I have never felt like that before. Lanie, I really think he is it. My one and done…"

"Oh, girl, that's great to hear. This must have been a hell of a week." She smirks.

"Yeah, but it's only been a week, Lanie. How can I feel like this after just a week?"

"It's not just been a week, Kate. It's been four years. How much more time do you want to waste?"

"I… I…" she sighs heavily.

"Let me tell you something. You stay here tonight; we drink some wine and watch a movie. And tomorrow you tell him how you feel. He deserves to hear, after waiting for four years, that you're lonely without him. That you miss him. Just go for it girl, make your man happy."

Kate just smiles and sits down on Lanie's couch while she goes into her kitchen to get some wine.

Make her man happy. She can do this. She wants to do this.

* * *

She startles when her phone rings, confused for a moment between dream and reality.

"Beckett." She answers without even thinking about it. Ugh. It's going to take some time until she won't think of another case when her phone rings.

"Kate. Good morning." Rick says softly.

"Oh… Rick. Hi."

"Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, but that's ok…" she yawns, looking for the clock. 8 a.m., quite early for him.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be, I'm thankful actually."

"Another nightmare?" he asks concerned.

"Yeah… The first one in a week…"

"I couldn't sleep well without you either." He answers, smiling foolishly.

She can't really suppress the smile forming on her face, and knowing he can't see it anyway, she lets it out.

But he hears it in her voice when she speaks.

"How's Alexis? You two had a good evening together?"

"Oh she's fine. She had a good time at the Hamptons. And we had good time yesterday."

"That's great, Rick." she tells him, hoping he would not hear the longing and the loneliness in her voice. But of course he hears it.

"Everything ok, Kate? Are you at home? Shall I come over?" he asks, suddenly feeling bad for not having been with her, for leaving her fighting her nightmares alone.

"No, I'm fine. I'm at Lanie's, I slept on her couch."

"Wanna come over for breakfast? I miss you."

"Sounds good, Rick. I'll be there in 20." She murmurs.

"And Rick…", she adds before she ends the call, "I miss you, too."

She dresses quickly, leaves Lanie a note on the kitchen counter and storms out of the building. It takes her forever to get a cab and the traffic makes it impossible to get to his loft fast. Every minute is killing her. She didn't even know this was possible. That she, kick-ass Kate Beckett who never needed anyone but herself, could feel this way. But she misses him so badly. With every part of her body, every inch of skin, every fiber of her nerves. Her whole body aches for him already and she yearns to look into his blue eyes, to see his smile, to feel his hands all over her body-

And another piece of the puzzle clicks into place, making her a little more whole, making it feel alright to feel like this. She is head over heels in love with Richard Castle. He is her one and done. And she'll never let him go again.

The taxi is moving too slow and she cannot hold out any longer. She pays the driver and gets out of the car, runs the two blocks left to his loft. She greets Eduardo just shortly, doesn't stop to wait for the elevator, just runs up the stairs as fast as she can.

When she left his town car the day before she thought she needed this. Her apartment. Space. To be alone. To think. But she was so wrong.

She needs him. She needs him so badly.

When he opens the door she already moves forward to him, reaching for him and kissing him passionately.

"Woah, Kate, what's-"

"I missed you. I missed you so much." She murmurs, holding on to him, burying her face in his shoulder.

He can't help the bright smile forming on his lips. She really missed him. She feels the same way.

"My apartment was so quiet and I was just so lonely and God, Rick, I missed you-"

He silences her with a kiss. He doesn't need to hear more from her in order to know that he was right. They should not waste more time. And when she realized it, too, while being away, it was worth it not to be able to spend last night with her.

"Move in with me, Kate." He whispers into her ear. "Move in with me."

* * *

**A/N: It takes **_**hours**_** to write a chapter, only **_**minutes**_** to read it and just **_**seconds**_** to review.**

**So please give me a few seconds of your time. Thank you!**


	9. Chapter 9

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: Don't be too mad at me.**

_Previously: "Move in with me, Kate." He whispers into her ear. "Move in with me."_

* * *

"Yes, Rick. I'll move in with you." She announces happily. "But is this really ok? With Alexis, I mean…" she asks unsure.

"It was me who suggested it, Kate." Alexis shouts from the kitchen.

Really? Alexis? Wow.

"Thank you so much, Alexis. I am glad you're ok with it." Kate smiles at the redhead, coming over to the kitchen to sit beside her.

"You're welcome. I need someone to look after my dad when I'm going to college after all. And this one should better not be grandma." She laughs.

"Hey. I don't need someone to babysit me."

"Oh, you do." Kate and Alexis answer as one.

They all look at each other and laughter fills the room.

"Hey you three. Mind to share the joke with me?"

"Martha, you're back. Did you have a good time at the Hamptons?" Kate greets the older woman who just entered the loft and makes her way over to them.

"Kate, you beautiful woman. Great to have you here." She smiles.

"And she's going to stay." Rick says proudly.

"Oh that's nice. Let's have breakfast together."

"No, Mother. Kate _stays_ here. With us."

"Yes. Great."

"Pssst, Grandma…" Alexis whispers, "she's moving in with us."

"She's… Oh. Oh! Really? That's wonderful news! Kate, darling, come here, let me hug you." Martha announces and embraces Kate in a tight hug.

Oh yes. The touchy-feely Castle-Rodgers family. She will have to get used to that.

"We have to celebrate that."

"Uh oh, mother. You not again…" Rick sighs, hoping Kate wouldn't feel uncomfortable.

"Shhh. This…" she gestures between her son and Kate, "…this is important, Kiddo. So, take us out for breakfast."

"I knew this would be coming." Rick groans.

"That sounds lovely, Martha." Kate announces with force in her voice, pushing her elbow into Rick's side.

"Ouch! Ok, ladies, let's go."

* * *

They have a good time at the small restaurant, sitting at the far back in order to avoid paparazzi, sharing their food and laughing a lot.

Rick can barely believe that he got so lucky. His three favorite women are with him and are getting along so well. It feels as if it was like this for years already, because they interact so naturally and freely, but on the other hand it also still feels brand new. He cannot decide which feeling is stronger; he only knows that both just feel good. So good.

He never thought that it could be that easy. Since the first day he and Kate spent together as a couple, he wanted to ask her to move to his loft. He even wants to ask her to marry him since then, but this really has to wait a bit more. He doesn't want to screw this up by bringing it up too soon and scaring her away with it. But he has a distinct feeling that she's been thinking about it, too. So maybe he doesn't have to wait another four years for that to happen.

He'll just know when the time is right, just as he knew it was the right time to ask her to move in with him this morning when she almost jumped into his arms and didn't want to let him go again.

It just felt right when he heard in her voice how lonely she had been. The question pooped out of his mouth before he even had the chance to think twice, but he knew it was alright. He really hadn't thought they'd get there so quickly, but apparently she missed him, after they were together all day for a week and then apart for the night. And he missed her, too. So very, very much.

He didn't sleep the whole night, only drifted into a light slumber early in the morning; and waking up without her felt just wrong. Her place was there, beside him in their bed – it was no longer _his_ bed anymore – and the thought of her all alone in her apartment made his heart ache. He didn't know that she was at Lanie's, but he was glad that she hadn't been alone. But still, he wanted her in their bed, beside him, not alone on Lanie's couch.

He still cannot quite wrap his mind around the fact that this was happening now. But she belongs to him and he belongs to her. That is all that matters right now.

"Oh, Richard, this is just amazing. Yesterday I got the confirmation that I can buy the flat above my acting school and I'll sign the contract next week, so when Alexis is at college and I moved over to my own flat, you two have the loft to yourself. You can make some pretty babies then." She smiled.

Rick's heart sank. Oh no. No, no, no, no! His mother really had the most terrible timing in the world. Kate must be freaking out now, running away from him and his dreams for them and everything he imagined to be would be destroyed in a blink of an eye. So he just sits there, waiting for his worst case scenario to play out, but then-

"We'll see, Martha. We'll see." Kate says calmly, with the hint of a smile on her face.

Ugh. He must be dreaming. This can't be true, this can't be her answer. Why is she still here? Smiling at him and even taking his hand. This just can't-

"Rick? Everything ok? You're suddenly so pale…" she smirks.

"Oh… Uhm… No… Yes. Yes. I'm fine…" he stutters, stunned and unable to realize what just happened.

She stayed. Wow.

* * *

They lie there together in their bed, still breathing hard. Rick lies on his back, embracing Kate with his left arm, while she lies beside him on her right side, playing with the soft hair on his chest. He's now tracing little patterns on her left upper arm, after he had worshipped her body, kissing every inch of her skin, whispering his love into her ear, making her come before he took her so very slowly and lovingly it made her cry.

He slowly wipes the tears from her face, doesn't need to ask where they come from. Just thinking about the fact that she is here with him, letting him love her, brings tears to his eyes as well.

"It's all your fault." She murmurs. "That I'm getting all sappy. You make me soft, Richards Castle. Now you have to live with the consequences."

"I like nothing better than this." He chuckles and kisses her softly on her lips.

"You're a goof." She laughs, moving closer to him.

"Kate…"

"Yeah?"

"I am glad you're still here and that you want to move in with me and my crazy family. I know it's a lot and I can understand-"

"Shush, Castle. Your family is not half as crazy as you are. And-", she adds when he wants to protest, "I really, really like Martha and Alexis. They treat me just so very normal, as if I'd already be a member of your family. And I am grateful for that."

"You are, you know? A member of this family. And I am so glad that you want this. Not just me, but the whole Castle-package. It's sometimes a bit much, but you can count on them anytime."

"I know. It's fine, really."

"What my mother said about the time when she and Alexis are gone… I am sorry about that. She didn't mean-"

"Castle, can you stop talking now? I said that it's fine. We don't have to talk about this now. I just want to enjoy lying with you here and not to have to worry about anything further than what we are going to eat for dinner." She sighs contently.

God. She is so beautiful.

"I love you so much." He murmurs, kissing the crown of her head.

He is so the girl in this relationship.

* * *

Half an hour later Kate rises from the comfy bed, pulls some clothes on and announces that she wants to cook dinner tonight.

"You stay here and write. Or read or sleep or whatever. I'll tell you when I'm ready." She commands and leaves their bedroom.

She enters the kitchen and looks around, debating what to cook for Rick and his family. After a few minutes and no creative ideas she decides to go upstairs and ask for a little help. She wanted to spend some time with Alexis anyway.

"Alexis?" she calls and knocks on her door.

"Come in, Kate."

"Hey."

"Hi. Can I do something for you?" the redhead asks politely.

"Uh… Well… I wanted to ask you if you would like to help me with dinner. If you have a little time." Kate asks, suddenly unsure.

"Yeah, sure. I'd love to. What do you want to cook?" she asks happily.

Oh Alexis. She should have done this earlier.

"I don't know, actually. I thought you might have an idea."

"Let's check the fridge. We'll find something." She says, taking Kate by the hand and tugging her along.

"Let's see… We've got chicken breast meat, garlic, shallots, sour cream…"

"Mhhh… sounds delicious. Let's put it all together and add some rice."

"Yeah, sounds great."

And suddenly all the tension is gone and the two women move around each other easily, chopping vegetables, frying the chicken, boiling the rice. They add red pepper to the meat, together with the shallots and deglaze everything with milk and sour cream, adding paprika powder and garlic.

Their conversation is light, they talk about Columbia and colleges in general, Kate telling Alexis a few of her memories, adding some advices here and then, but trying not to sound too motherly. Alexis has a mother and she does not want to take her place. She hopes to be a good friend for the young woman, hopes she'll come to her for an advice from time to time, just as she did a few years ago when she asked her about her semester in Kiev. She understands why Alexis is still a little cool and cautious towards her, she hasn't done many things in the past year to be proud of. She broke her father's heart more than one time and his daughter's not blind. Kate just hopes they'll be able to get back to the time when Alexis would come to her to ask for her advice.

"Alexis?" Kate asks when their "Creamy Chicken Paprika" is almost ready.

"Yeah?"

"I meant what I said a week ago."

"Huh?"

"That I don't want to take your father from you. He'll always be your dad and I don't want to get between you two. I respect the wonderful relationship you have. I just want you to know that-"

She isn't able to finish her sentence, because Alexis suddenly hugs her tightly. Kate stands there, stunned, not really understanding what just happened.

"Thank you, Kate." Alexis whispers, blinking rapidly.

"For what?"

"For thinking of me. For including me."

"That goes without saying, Alexis. It's no big deal."

"It is, Kate. You're the first woman my father was serious with who thought of me."

Really? _Really_? Oh Alexis.

Kate hugs her back firmly now. She doesn't even want to know what this wonderful young woman must have suffered already, with all those shallow bimbos her father brought home. And she was determined to make a change, to show Alexis that she is different.

"Oh what a wonderful sight. Stay like this, I'll get my camera." Rick announces as he's making his way over to Kate and Alexis.

"Da-ad. Stop being such a child. Dinner's ready by the way. Go get grandma."

"Yes, mom." Rick chuckles and makes his way upstairs, grinning to himself like a fool. This couldn't get any better.

* * *

This couldn't get any worse.

She's sitting at the morgue, crying, and Lanie's nowhere to be seen.

When she finally enters, Lanie sees a picture from the past; Kate is sitting on one of her tables, feet swinging and looking forlorn and desperate, just like she did so often before Richard Castle made his way into the precinct and into her heart.

"Kate, how often did I tell you not to scare me like that. I do not expect someone living here after 7 p.m., remember? So, what the hell are you doing here?"

"I'm sorry Lanie, I should have called."

"It's ok, it's ok. What happened? What's wrong, girl? Should I go and smack your writer-man?"

"No. No, Lanie… He's going to feel smacked anyway."

"Ok, don't speak in riddles. You know how much I like that. Everything was fine last week when you called after you moved into the loft. So what – the – hell – happened? Did you have a fight?"

"No…"

"Then why are you sitting here and cry your eyes out?" Lanie asks again, getting impatient.

Kate sighs. This is a nightmare.

"Everything was just fine, Lanie. It was perfect. The moving went smooth, we decided to keep my apartment in order to have a little more space, if I need some time to myself or Rick needs some time to write. I thought it just couldn't get any better. But now… It's just horrible Lanie. It's gonna destroy everything…" she whispers.

"What is it, Kate? Come on, it can't be that bad."

"I'm two weeks over my menstruation. I might be pregnant, Lanie." Kate says, terrified.


	10. Chapter 10

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: This should have been the last chapter, but it went on and on and so I decided to split it in two. So the next and last chapter is as good as ready and will be up tomorrow. :o)**

_Previously: "What is it, Kate? Come on, it can't be that bad."_

"_I'm two weeks over my menstruation. I might be pregnant, Lanie." Kate says, terrified._

* * *

"Ok, now Kate, listen to me. Take a deep breath. Did you make a test?"

"No. I just realized it this morning. I didn't think about it at all. But I don't trust these tests anyway... I can't do this, Lanie. We're just together for about two months, it's gonna destroy everything…"

"Kate, stop. Cut me a break. You're two adults, he's having a hell of a fortune and you love each other. You even live together now. So, come on. It's not that bad."

When Kate still cries, Lanie takes a deep breath and sits beside her, holding her close.

"It's gonna be ok. Don't you want a kid with him?"

"That's not it, Lanie. I want a baby, someday. But just not now. I want to be able to plan it all out, not to be surprised by it. Alexis was a surprise for him already and I'm glad she's there, but… But I don't want to do that to him again. We didn't even talk about kids yet. I don't know if he wants another one. Alexis is all grown up now, I don't think he wants to undergo all of this again…"

"But you don't know that. Maybe he'll be delighted about the news."

"I don't think so."

"But you don't know. You should go home and find it out."

"Lanie I can't; not without knowing if or if not. You can make a blood-test, can't you? Please Lanie. I don't want to go to a doctor. We could make it here and no one has to know-"

"No, Kate. I won't do that." Lanie says, her voice hard.

"But… But…"

"You shouldn't be here, Kate, and talking to _me._ You should be home and talking to _him_. And you should see a doctor, together with him. I won't let you make the same mistakes all over again. You will not exclude him! He would be the father after all, he needs to know. He deserves to know. So go home Kate and tell him."

* * *

When she steps out of the morgue, she checks her mobile phone, for the first time this day.

Five missed calls and a message from him. He's worried about her. Of course. She just left him a note in the morning, saying that she needed sometime for herself, and left before he woke.

Of course he's worried. But when she woke early and realized that her menstruation was already two weeks late, because she had dreamt of having a baby with him that night, she just had to get away.

But she could see that he was trying, he didn't call before 5 p.m., giving her the space she demanded.

He was trying. And so she should be trying, too. Lanie was right; she had to talk to him.

She takes a deep breath and steels herself for the coming conversation. No matter how much it might cost her, she owed it to him.

* * *

"Are you sure?"

"No, Rick, I am not sure. That's why I didn't want to tell you in the first place."

They sit there in his study, she on the couch and he in his office chair. When she came home he could tell that something was wrong, he could see that she's been crying although she tried to hide it.

He was desperate that she didn't want to talk to him first, but he took her with him in his study and sat there with her for about half an hour until she finally opened up to him.

And when he realized what she was telling him there, he could barely hold himself together, could bare avoid hugging her and spin her around the room. But he could tell that she didn't want to be touched right now, that she was desperate about the situation and he had to deal with this first.

So he holds himself together, for her, puts his feeling aside. All the joy and hope and happiness buried inside for later. It's better like this anyway, he tells himself, before they're sure. Otherwise he would be too disappointed.

"So, then let's find out. I'll go and buy a pregnancy-test…"

"I don't trust these things… Even when it is negative I could nevertheless be pregnant. They're only reliable when they're positive."

"It's a start, Kate. And tomorrow we'll make it sure, when it's negative. I know a doctor at the hospital, he could make a blood-test and we'll have the result in a few hours."

She looks at him, completely confused.

"What's wrong, Kate?" he asks unsure.

Uh oh. Not good, she definitely looks angry now.

"What's wrong?" she shouts in disbelieve. " I might be pregnant, Castle! That's wrong! How can you be that calm about it and acting as if this is no big deal?"

He closes his eyes for a moment and sighs.

"Because… Because it is not a bad thing for me. Because I want this. I want kids with you, Kate. And if there's already one on the way, I'd be happy actually."

Oh. _Oh._

Castle.

She takes a deep breath and her anger is gone.

"Don't you want it? The baby, I mean. Uhm… If you're pregnant." He asks, sadness in his blue eyes.

"Oh… Uhm… I…" she sighs and looks away.

He rises from his chair and sits beside her on the couch, needs to touch her, need to show her how much he wants this. Together with her.

Only with her.

"Castle… Rick. I… I want kids with you..." she murmurs.

He releases a breath he didn't know he's been holding.

Ok. Ok. That's a start.

"But?"

"But… not now, you know? I don't want it to be a surprise. And we're just together for about two months. I want to have you all to myself a little bit longer…"

"Oh, Kate… It's gonna be fine. Either way, ok? We cannot change it anyway. Or would you…"

"What, Rick? Have an abortion? No, no! Absolutely no!"

"I'm glad…" he whispers; only now realizing how much he was afraid of a different answer. "I really want this, Kate. No matter if it's now or some other time."

"Ok, Rick. As long as you're in this with me. I have already seen me in my flat again, rising a child on my own…"

"Kate, you should know me better. I am in this with you. Always. And now let's find out."

* * *

She emerges from the bathroom, the test in her hands.

"And?" he asks.

"We have to wait two more minutes." She sighs, leaning against his desk and closing her eyes.

"Ok. Come over here, Kate. We can do this. Together. We can do this." He murmurs into her ear, holding her close.

But she breaks away soon, pacing the room, not able to stand still, running hr hands down her thighs every few steps. The waiting was killing her; he knows that and gives her space. As long as she's here, with him, it's ok.

It's going to be ok. _Either way._

"I think we can look now." He whispers, going over to his desk where she put down the test.

"Wait." She grips his wrist firmly. "I can't Rick. I can't do this…"

"Then let me look first. I'll tell you. Ok?"

"Ok…" she whispers slowly, closing her eyes again.

He turns the test and takes a short look, releasing a breath.

"It's negative."

"Really?" she asks, not completely believing him.

"Look."

She reaches for the test he's holding.

"Oh thank God…" She sighs. "But we still cannot be sure."

"I called Tom, Dr. Davis, on the way back. We can see him tomorrow at 8 a.m., ok?" he says, trying to hide the sad undertone in his voice.

And she's to messed up to notice it.

"Ok, do you now want to tell me where you have been all day? I was really worried." he asks, trying to change the subject.

"I'm sorry, Rick. I needed to be alone. I… I had to deal with it alone first, before I could tell you."

"Ok. Ok. Just. Don't do this again. Come to me right away. You could have saved both of us a lot of worries. Have you eaten something yet?"

"No, not really." She says, only now realizing how hungry she is.

"I thought so. My mother and I put the leftovers from dinner into the fridge."

"I am glad that Alexis is at Columbia for her introductory week. She shouldn't see me like this. Did you tell your mother anything?"

"No. And I won't. Not until there's something to tell. She was out all day anyway and went upstairs right after dinner to sleep. She hasn't noticed you were gone all day. Do you want to eat something now?"

"Yes, I'd really like to."

He sits beside her while she eats, holding her hand. He doesn't really know what to do with his feelings, with the lingering disappointment that just does not want to go away. But there's still a little hope. Maybe it was really too early for the test and Tom would tell them something different tomorrow. At least she doesn't notice how disappointed he is. And he's glad about it.

* * *

They sit there together in the waiting room of the hospital, waiting for the answer that could still turn their lives upside down.

Doctor Davis took some blood from Kate for the test and told them the results would be there in half an hour. Kate just shook her head when they were outside the room again, remembering the time when they worked their first case together. Rick would get the results of the fingerprints in two hours instead of a week and now they would get her blood-results in half an hour instead of two days. She still wondered how he did that. But before long, her thoughts went back to the consequences if her blood-test was different than the pregnancy-test last night.

"I don't get it…" she murmurs. "I'm on the pill. I haven't been sick. I haven't forgotten to take it. I just don't get it."

"Stop, Kate. There's no sense in going there now. What happened, happened. We cannot change that. And the test was negative. Maybe it's really just false alarm."

"I am just glad that you want to do this another time. Raising a child."

"I really want this Kate. And you told me you want it, too. So it's gonna be fine. Trust me. We can do this."

He takes her hand and holds it in his', caressing her soft skin with his thumb.

It's gonna be fine. _Either way._

"Ms. Beckett?" a nurse calls from an open door.

"Yeah?" she raises, her hands shaking.

"You can come in again now." She says, leaving the door open for them.

Rick is on his feet now, too, taking her arm and pulling her with him.

When they sit down again, Doctor Davis opens the file and studies the test-results.

"Ok, Ms. Beckett. I've got the results here. You are not pregnant."

"Oh my God…" Kate sighs, tears forming in her eyes.

"I affiliate the absence of your menstruation to the stress you had lately. But if you haven't gotten your menstruation by next week, you should see your doctor. Then there must be something else wrong. But I can assure you to 100% that you are not pregnant; there is no trace of HCG in your blood."

"Thank you, Dr. Davis."

Both Kate and Rick rise from their seats again and say good-bye.

Once they're out of the hospital, Kate turns around, smiling brightly and sighing relieved. She puts her arms around Rick in a tight embrace.

"Oh God, Rick, I am so relieved. So it was just much ado about nothing after all." She laughs, trying to break the tension with the Shakespearean line.

"Yeah, it seems so." Rick whispers.

"Let's go home and celebrate that we got our lives back." She suggest happily.

"Yeah, let's go."

* * *

"What's wrong, Rick? You ok?" she asks on the way up to the loft when he has barely said a word the whole way home.

"Yeah. Yeah, sure."

"Oh, come on. You barely have said a word since we're out of the hospital… I mean… What is it? Are you… Are you disappointed?"

He turns away from her, biting his lips.

"Really? Oh Rick, I am sorry, but… I am just so happy… I… I don't understand this." She takes a step towards him, trying to see his face.

The elevator stops at their floor and both get out, heading for their door.

Once they're inside, Kate grips Rick's wrist and makes him turn around to face her.

"Rick, please. Talk to me."

"It's ok, Kate. No need to talk about it."

"You're really disappointed."

"Yeah, I am. So? What does it matter? I… I really would've been happy. I could already picture us sitting here on the couch with a baby. And now…"

"Rick, listen to me. You can hold on to the picture. You can still be happy. We'll have a baby. Just. Not now." She smiles warmly at him, caressing his cheek with her hand.

"Ok... Ok." He murmurs, pulling his arms around her slim waist and kissing her softly.

"I am glad we talked about it."

"Me, too. I was so afraid you wouldn't want a baby that I was at the morgue with Lanie yesterday, considering to let her do the blood-test and never telling you." She laughs.

"You… What?"

Uh oh. Not good. It doesn't sound funny now that it is out of her mouth.

"Kate, you cannot be serious about that."

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. He's really angry now.

"I… I didn't…"

"You… You really were there, weren't you? And you didn't want to tell me? Hell, Kate, what's gotten into you?"

"I… I didn't want to bother you until I was sure… I…"

"You didn't want to _bother_ me? Kate, this would have been our child, if you would have been pregnant, and you didn't want to _bother_ me? So you ran to Lanie? Instead of coming to me?"

Oh this is really bad. The anger is gone from his face and his voice, replaced by sadness and hurt, which is even worse.

"Rick, I'm sorry… I…" she sobs, reaching for him.

"Don't Kate… Just don't…" he doesn't finish his sentence, just leaves her standing in the entrance and goes up the stairs.

Oh no. What has she done?


	11. Chapter 11

**ALWAYS**

**The sequel to "Comfort"**

**A/N: So, this is it. The last chapter! **

**Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing and adding this story to your favorites. You're amazing and I'm truly honored! Thank you so much!**

**A special THANK YOU goes to nmcowgirl08 and Castle1701 for their reviews, because I couldn't thank them via PM. **

**And now, one last time…**

_Previously: "Don't Kate… Just don't…" he doesn't finish his sentence, just leaves her standing in the entrance and goes up the stairs._

_Oh no. What has she done?_

* * *

When he comes down the stairs again, she is gone.

How the hell did it come to that? Everything's been fine and now… Their first big fight. One of the major hurdles of a relationship. But just as their partnership had to face a few big fights the last four years, their relationship should survive this one, too. At least he hopes so.

He grabs his phone and calls her, hoping desperately she'll take the call.

"Yeah?"

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Where are you?"

"At Central Park."

"At Central Park?"

"I needed to go for a walk."

"Mind if I come and join you?"

There is a moment of silence on her side.

"Are you still angry with me?"

"No, not anymore. It was just… My first reaction to it. I was furious that you went to Lanie and not to me. That hurt. A lot. But I thought about it and I can understand now why you behaved like this. How difficult this must've been for you. Are you angry with me?"

"No. I was never angry with you. And I had time to think, too. Come over and we can talk about it in person."

"Yeah, sounds good. Where are you exactly?" he asks, already heading off the door.

"Let's meet at the little café where we sometimes eat breakfast."

"I'll be there in 10."

* * *

When he arrives she already stays there, eyes closed against the afternoon sun. She looks amazing with her endless legs in her tight jeans, her loose dark brown shirt, her gorgeous auburn locks blowing in the wind.

And all his bad feelings are gone. He runs to her, claims her in a tight hug, burying his nose in her hair and doesn't let go.

"I'm sorry, Kate."

"No. No, Rick. I am sorry. I-"

"Shush. It's ok. We both made mistakes. Let's just… talk to each other the next time."

"Yeah. Sounds like a plan. Shall we go a little?"

"Yeah." He says, claiming her hand in his.

They wander around Central Park, hand in hand, and talk.

Just talk. And for the first time they're completely open and honest with each other.

They talk about their hopes and dreams for the future, about marriage and children and places they want to visit. Just about everything.

And It's ok.

It's ok to admit that she's afraid of some things and that she wants to go slow and let the things develop in their own rhythm.

It's ok to admit that he wants it all right now, but that he is willing to wait.

And it feels just right for her to admit to him that he's her one and done. That she's done searching because she finally found him and that she'll never let him go again.

And it also feels right for him to tell her that he will wait with proposing to her, but not too long.

They lay everything on the table and find ways toward each other, find a common ground. No more hiding, no more secrets. They promise each other to try their best.

* * *

When they're back at the loft Martha is gone and Kate smiles seductively at Rick, opening one of the buttons of his shirt.

"Make up sex?"

"Make up sex it is." He groans, claiming her in a tight hug, kissing her passionately.

He lifts her up and carries her bridal-style into their bedroom, laying her carefully down on their bed.

He is hovering above her, kissing her neck and her collarbones, his hands lifting her shirt, searching for skin. He takes his time to lift her shirt, moving his head down to kiss every inch of newly exposed skin. When he tosses her shirt on the floor, she lifts his, too, and it follows hers straight.

He opens her bra and tosses it away as well. And just like every time the sight takes his breath away. He's seen her like this so many times already, in the past two months, but it never fails to amaze him. Her perfect breasts with her rose nipples, the sight making him go hard instantly. He caresses one breast with his hand and the other with his mouth, pressing her down into the mattress with his body. When he breaks away again, panting, he just smiles at her when an idea pops into his mind.

He slides her jeans down her legs, kissing her bellybutton and moving lower with his mouth until he reaches the waistband of her panties. He removes them, too, placing himself between her legs.

She sighs contently, relaxing into the mattress, her body shivering with anticipation. But he doesn't use his tongue like he did all those last times, he caresses her with his large fingers, parting her folds and drawing little circles around her most sensitive spot, making her moan for more.

Then he lets one of his fingers glide into her wet heat, moving slowly inside her.

"What are you doing there?" she murmurs, opening her eyes again.

"I just thought that you're ready for the next level." He explains. He had only caressed her clit to make her come the last two months in order not to overtax her. But she hasn't had a panic attack again and he thought they could try something different now.

"The next level?"

"I'm looking for your G-spot." He says, smiling brightly.

"Oh, ok. Good luck with that…" she sighs, frowning.

"Huh?"

"I don't think I've got one…"

"I have heard that there shall be women out there who really don't have a G-spot, but…" he moves his finger a little up and to the right, finding her G-spot instantly.

"Oooooooh my Goooooood!" Kate cries out, her eyes slam shut.

"But you, Katherine Beckett… You definitely got one." He murmurs.

He adds another finger into her wetness, pushing up against the right spot, increasing the pace.

"Oooooooh… Oh Rick!" she gasps, spreading her legs even wider for him and gripping the sheets firmly with both hands.

"Uuuuuuuuh… More… Mooooooore… Yeah… Oh God, yeah!" she screams, surprised by herself that she is so loud. But she can't help it, it just feels too good.

She comes hard, screaming his name and squirting over his hand, her body jerking upwards, twisting with pleasure.

"Oh… Oh… my… God…" she whispers, trying to catch her breath.

He slides his fingers slowly out of her, and wipes them clean on the sheet. He's going to have to change them anyway.

"What are you still doing there? Come up here to me." She murmurs, reaching for him.

"Uhm… You made quite a mess here, let me get a towel first to put it down onto it…"

"Oh… Ok…" she whispers, a bright red flaming her cheeks.

"It's fine, Kate." He assures her when he comes back from the bathroom and sees her face. "Sex is a mess. And the messier the better." He grins, laying himself down beside her and putting a kiss on her shoulder.

"That was indescribable, Rick. Incredible. I have never ever experienced something like this before. I… You… I have never felt like this my whole life. Not even close to it. I had absolutely no idea."

"It's good to hear that an _old man_ like me can still teach you a few things about your body. I have nothing to teach you when it comes to my body, though…" he growls. "You're already perfect at treating me… in… all… the… right… ways…" he moans between the kisses he trails up her neck to her ear.

"Yeah?" she asks, smiling at him seductively. "Like… this?"

She grips his member firmly, letting her thumb run over the top. He lets his head fall into the pillow and closes his eyes, moaning with pleasure.

That's the only answer she needs. She caresses and massages his member a little more, sitting up beside him to have better access. When she notices that he's close, she stops the movements of her hands and turns over, positioning herself above him, letting him play with her breasts and lowers herself slowly onto him, taking his cock inside her still wet entrance.

"Oooooh, Kate… You're gonna be the death of me… You're so wet… And so hot…" he groans while she rocks her hips slowly, lowering her mouth onto his.

And while they're making love slowly, it's not just sex. It's caressing each other and kissing and whispering their love for each other. It's not just make up sex, it's and a promise to try better next time.

* * *

"Come with me, Rick. I want to do something and I really want you with me when I do." Kate murmurs the next morning, rousing from their bed.

"Of course. Where are we going?"

"You'll see." She smiles at him and heads for the shower.

He follows quickly, not wanting to miss a chance to get his hands all over her again while washing her body and admire her naked form, all wet and gorgeous.

When they emerge out of the bathroom they head over to the kitchen where Rick makes them breakfast and Kate calls her dad.

"Hi Dad. – Everything's fine. How are you? – We're just making breakfast… Hey! – No, no I was talking to Rick. He eats all the strawberries. – Yeah, sounds good, we'll be there at… Rick! Stop!" she exclaims when he starts to tickle her. "I'm sorry, Dad, he's… Will you stop now? – Dad, I have to go. Breakfast is ready. See you tomorrow. – Take care, too." She puts the phone down on the kitchen island and shoots him a glare.

"Richard Castle…" she growls, her eyes dark.

"Uh oh… I think I forgot something in the bedroom…" he announces and takes off.

She follows straight, chasing him through the living room, heading for his ear.

* * *

Kate hails a cab when they get out of the building and gives the address of her apartment. Rick looks at her suspiciously but remains silent.

She texts Lanie on the way, who - she thinks - must be worried by now and tells her that everything is alright and that she is not going to be an "aunt" soon.

When they arrive she takes him by the hand and tugs him along, leading him up the stairs and into her former home. She closes the door and leads him over to the blinds, which she slowly opens.

She stands there for a moment, looking at the pictures and her notes, taking everything in.

And with a breath she lets everything go.

"Do you mind helping me to put it all away?" she asks, her voice steady and strong.

"Do you really want this?"

"Yes. Yes I want this. And I need this. You showed me that my life, that _our _life is more important than my mom's death. Let's put it to rest. _Together._"

She removes every single paper from the blinds, handing it to him who tucks it away in a box. And when they leave the apartment again, Kate feels free. Finally free.

Her mom is dead and she misses her badly, but there's no more hatred, no more calling for revenge, no more force that she cannot control behind it. She created her own closure and can now start a new life.

_With him._

"Let's go home." She says.

"Yeah, my love. Let's go home."

*****THE END******

* * *

**A/N: The epilogue is almost ready as well and will be up soon.**

**Thank you again for reading this story. I am glad so many people out there liked it. :o)**


	12. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

* * *

She stands there on the back porch and looks over the bright blue ocean. And cannot think of a time when she'd ever been happier in her life.

"Hey there, Mrs. Castle!" Rick announces when he comes out to the porch as well.

"Hey yourself." She murmurs, putting her arms around him and kissing him softly.

"I've put our luggage away and checked the fridge; we should be fine for the next two weeks."

"It's wonderful that we're here again. I just love this place."

"Yeah, me too. And Kate, I really think you've got the best husband in the whole world."

"Is that so?" she asks, smiling at him happily.

"Yeah…" he sighs, grinning to himself. "I want to give you my wedding present now. Just wait a minute, I'll go get it."

"You brought it with you here?" she asks, a little surprised, wondering where he hid it in the private plane.

"No, not exactly. It was here all the time to be honest." He says, going back inside again with a smile on his lips.

Kate shakes her head and lets her eyes wander over the bright blue ocean again. She still can't quite believe that they're here again, exactly one year later. The same time, the same day (Castle insisted on it), just one year later.

Her mind wanders back to their wedding, two days ago. Exactly the same day when she showed up on his doorstep last year and their romantic relationship began (another Castle-thing).

It was just perfect, quite traditional and small, not much people, no press. He arranged everything very thoughtful and although they are both public figures by now, he tried his best to keep private things private and away from page 6.

She will always remember the feeling she had when the minister announced that they were now husband and wife. Only thinking of it brings a smile to her face immediately.

She's his _wife _now_._

The sentence still tastes a little unfamiliar on her tongue. But so good. So good.

And when they danced at the little party afterwards, it felt as if nothing else would exist anymore. Just the two of them, swaying to the music, smiling like fools and drowning in each other's eyes. She thinks that this is what makes a wedding special – the happiness that fills your whole being, shining through your eyes and sounding through your laughing. That's what people see and hear when they look at a freshly married couple, that's what makes them want to get married, too.

She could see it in Ryan's and Jenny's eyes, remembering their special day.

And she could also see it in Lanie's and Esposito's eyes and wondered how long it would take them to do it, too.

Get married… She's married! To Richard Castle.

She still cannot quite believe it.

"Here…" Rick comes out of nowhere, ripping her from her thoughts by embracing her from behind and putting a kiss on her bare shoulder. He holds up a little box (that looks a lot like a box for a wedding ring) and takes her hand with his other hand. He puts the box inside it and she can feel him smile on her skin.

"That's your present?"

"Yeah. Turn around and open it. I want to see your face when you do." He commands softly.

And when she turns to him she is once again stunned by the depths in his eyes that seem even bluer here at the ocean. She's once again stunned by all the love that's seeping out of them, only for her. She could get lost in his eyes, regarding her so gently, almost caressing her.

"Come on, Kate. Open it." He nudges gently and she can hear the excitement in his voice.

She flips the box open and reveals a little silver key with a red ribbon around it. She looks close at the key, wondering what this could be about and lifts questioning eyes to him.

"Can you guess what it's for?" he asks, waggling his eyebrows.

"Uh… I don't know… It's not a car key. It looks like a key for an apartment or… A house maybe… Did you buy a house in New York?" she wonders.

"No, not in New York."

"Not in New York… But where… Uh…" she stutters, the thought of maybe leaving New York making her uncomfortable. She doesn't want to go away. That's why she broke up with Will all those years ago. She needs the city, wants to live there. She doesn't want to move away.

But, wait, he knows that. So what is this key for? It isn't for… It can't be for… Can it?

"Oh my God!" she exclaims when she sees the look on his face.

"I guess you like my gift then." He chuckles, kissing her on the nose.

"But how… I thought…"

"I contacted the owner about three months ago, right after you said 'Yes' to my proposal. And made him an offer he absolutely couldn't deny."

"I bet." She laughs, holding the key to her heart. "So this place is ours now?"

"Yours. But I hope you'll let me stay here, too, from time to time."

"I do." She says, smiling brightly.

How did she ever deserve this man?

He showed his love for her so often in the last year, was there for her when she didn't know what to do with her life, supported her when she got frustrated with her joblessness. That was a tough time for both of them and she could see that he was relieved when she finally admitted to using the money from the account he created when he started to write the first "Nikki Heat" book. He was never pressing her, giving her time and space to figure out what she wanted to do and always had her back when she finally decided to take responsibility of the scholarship he brought to life to honor her mom's legacy.

She doesn't earn money with that, but that's fine with her, because she finally found something worthy to do. And it was actually a lot of fun.

And now this.

Overwhelmed by her happiness little tears glister in her beautiful eyes.

"Hey, love, you ok?" he asks concerned.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine. Great actually." She puts the key into the box again and lays it aside in order to put her arms around him and lift on her toes to place a gentle kiss on his lips.

"Thank you, Rick. It means a lot to me. All of this. All what we have. Thank you."

"I thank you, Kate. For letting me love you. And for loving me back. For marrying me. It's the best gift you could give to me." He murmurs, tears forming in his eyes as well.

"So you don't want my wedding gift?" she chuckles.

"I didn't say that." he laughs.

"Then come with me."

She leads him into the house again, into _their_ house… Wow. It's just perfect. But as hard as it is to believe, her gift is even better.

_So much better._

She walks over to her carry-on luggage which Rick placed on the couch in the living room, opens her bag, and takes her purse out.

"Close your eyes, Rick." She murmurs.

He does as he is told and she takes out a little piece paper.

"Give me your hand."

He will freak out as soon as he lays eyes on it, she's sure. The excitement is rushing through her body now and she has to take a moment to catch her breath. This is going to be so freaking amazing.

"You can open your eyes now." She whispers when she placed the paper into his hand.

He slowly opens his eyes and when he sees what's there on the paper in his hand, his heart stops a beat.

Two beats. Or three. He isn't sure.

"Kate!" he exclaims. "Really? Really?"

She just nods, a little shy now, overwhelmed by the radiating smile on his face, by the joy in his eyes.

"Oh my God, Kate!" he yells, claiming her in a hug.

Finally, finally he can act on his feelings, spin her around the room, laughing, crying and kissing her senseless. He might explode with happiness and he doesn't even care.

The ultrasound image gripped tightly in his hand he puts her down again, kissing her once more.

"Since when do you know it?"

"I had a feeling since last week, but I only know it since yesterday when I was at my gynecologist."

"Ah, there you were… I should have known."

"I wanted to surprise you." She smiles. "She told me that everything is fine and that I could fly without to worry. It wasn't easy to _not_ tell you immediately, but I wanted to tell you here."

"We're getting a baby. We're getting a baby!" he exclaims, dancing around the room.

"Yeah. In early January next year." She murmurs, placing a hand on her belly.

"BEST. PRESENT. EVER." He exclaims, laying his hand on top of hers.

* * *

**A/N: I know, I know. It's incredibly sappy. But I just couldn't help it. I'm a hopeless romantic and this just felt right.**

**Thank you again for sticking with me and this story. It's been a great time for me.**


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